I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem
That time that you made it with the whole hockey team
You used to think I was nice
Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist

Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes in my car?
That kind of thing is hard to ignore
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

I knew that we were having problems when
You put those piranhas in my bathtub again
You're still the light of my life
Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife?

You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way
You poison my coffee just a little each day
I still remember the way that you laughed
When you pushed me down that elevator shaft

Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra
Doing in my underwear drawer?
Sometime I get to thinking you don't love me any more

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill
Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will
You set my house on fire
You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers

Oh, you think that I'm ugly and you say that I'm cheap
You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep
You drilled a hole in my head
Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead

Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all
You never acted this way before
Honey, something tells me you don't love me any more, oh no no
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore.

So I quasi-live blogged the show with the hottest cast EVER, quasi-not.

Quick thoughts:

Croquet, pastels and cocktails.  It's GG.  And it's on crack--and by crack I mean the Hamptons.  Thirty seconds in and these crazy kids are already getting it on!  God I missed this show.  Rawr.  WHY WAS I NOT THAT HOT AT 16? Or 17.  Or 18.  Or 19...this is getting depressing.  Whatever.

Oooh Dunkin' Donuts product placement on Rufus' tour bus.  My New England trained eye could spot a DD logo anywhere.

Drama with Blair and "Chuck Basstard" about a pin. What is this? 1950? LAME.

Speaking of Chuck.  I think they've taken this "I'm Chuck Bass" thing a little too far.  Taking good characters from the first time around and putting them on steroids for all subsequent appearances is a common mistake.  I like to call it the Stifler Syndrome.  In the first American Pie movie, Stifler was absurd yet oddly believable.  And kind of funny.  I mean, he does get peed on.  With each AP movie, (AP 2, American Wedding) he became a caricature of himself and utterly obnoxious.  He is practically the star of American Wedding.  Teevee God (aka script writers and producers) help us.  I WANT OLD CHUCK BACK.

Let's take a second to acknowledge Serena's hair at the White Party.  She looked like a goddess, for sure.  But the hair was so over the top.  It looked like golden snakes wound in with the Jessica Simpson and Ken Paves lovechild hair extensions.  Her hair = a hot tranny mess.  Despite having hair of the Medusa persuasion, Blake Lively is stunning and I want to be her. (Blake and Penn--never ever ever ever break up.  Ya'll are the new Seth and Summer/Adam and Rachel.  Don't fail us like they did.)

I have a friend who believes Blair Waldorf is his soulmate.  Best of luck to you, friend, because a) she's not real and b) this bitch is back in full force.  (Is it just me or did she look like she got into a nasty brawl with a spray tan booth?  Ummm Blair it was the White Party, not the Orange and White party.) And dating a British lord who pretended to be an American that went to Princeton so that people liked him for his pretentious, rich American elitist self and not his pretentious, rich British elitist self?  My mind is blown.  First of all, this makes me yearn for the days when Prince William was still a dreamboat (sigh).  But really, GG?  You're going to give us all false hopes that this tomfoolery actually happens?  And that a British Lord wants me to like him for him and not just his title?  Disney already ruined me.  This might break me.

As Kristen Bell's voice familiarly closed the episode with "You know you love me.  XOXO, Gossip Girl", I have to say, I don't think I did love this Gossip Girl.  The scripts were never good, but this was dreadful.  I love me some bad teevee shows and my expectations are wayyyyyy lower than they should be, but I at least expect the dialogue to be tolerable at best.

But the clothes were amazing.  And I'll still watch next week.  Mission accomplished.

On another note, I am obsessed with the song played in the opening scene.  It is my new favorite summer/end of summer (wahhhhhhh) song and I am embarrassed.  I am embarrassed because one half of the band, Shwayze, is Mischa Barton's ex-bf.  Remember Cisco Adler?  Yup.  Now he can be known for something other than looking like the younger brother of Weird Al and being the former lovah of the worst character on the OC and a Keds spokeswoman.  Basically this song is the 2008 version of LFO's "Summer Girls".  Stop judging me, jerks.

You know you love me.  XOXO,  Kathleen.

[Posted by Kathleen]

PS: Absolut Picard, ist doch keine Frage... ;)

Liz: My dear! Are you ready to rummmmmble? The question is -- has white boys rapping in online videos hit a saturation point? I mean, good things have definitely come of the genre...

Jill: ...but you sort of get that comedy fine line between time-tested trope and cliché. I am sort of reluctantly in favor, though. The sophisticate in me says find a new format already, but then there's always some new thing that pops up and amuses me despite my better judgment.

Liz: But does it amuse you because it's actually something fresh and new, or because it's playing on old tropes?

Jill: I think the white boys rapping field is actually split into two camps: There are the ones whose comedy is solely derived from the juxtaposition of white boy and rap, and then there are those who are genuinely using the rap as a way to exercise their creativity, much as any other rapper would do.

I mean, if you're just some white guy wearing a chain and saying "yea' boyeee," then I would agree that you are just basically comedy lameness. But for the latter camp, the white-boy-rapping convention is just a springboard.

Liz: Do you have any examples of the latter?

Jill: Well, you know I'm fond of Mean Kitty, and that's really about the content and the clever rhymes and the cute cat, and not so much about the comedy of white-boy-trying-to-be-gangsta.

Liz: But are Mr. Safety and his ilk really free of that burden? No matter how clever your lyrics are, you're still treading in someone else's garden. And why are there so many white boys rapping online, while in the world of actual rap the only ones of note are Eminem and Vanilla Ice?

Jill: I think the world of rap is still pretty closed to white rappers, which is probably one of the reasons recreational comedy rapping is rampant among white boys. They can't play legitimately, so they kind of mess around in the kiddie pool.

Liz: "The kiddie pool" is an interesting way of putting this, because you're right, these shorts aren't getting Diddy on the phone with an offer of a record contract.

I think I'm just really really tired of the use of the juxtaposition. "Oh, rap is the coolest, most hardcore thing you can do. So it'll be funny if I rap about my cat." I don't deny that it can be executed well. In fact, some of my favorite comedy shorts have a rap element. I just think that the Internet can only take so much before it just flat-out explodes.

Jill: Well, I think online comedy video, by its very nature, trends toward oversaturation of genres/tropes/etcetera. There's always kind of too much of everything, frankly. And then your bar for enjoyment gets set higher and higher.

Liz: Does it? These days, when I watch the latest WBR video, I feel the same way I feel when I watch a silly Jason Statham movie: embarrassed by how easily I'm pleased.

Jill: I guess I'd feel a lot more comfortable telling the white comedy rappers to eff off if I could point to a fresh and innovative new wave of comedy and say, "Go do that."

Liz: But in the same way that reality TV is crowding out fresh and interesting new programming, I worry that the easy joke of WBR is suckering even comedy powerhouses like College Humor out of creating that innovative new stuff.

Jill: I think people see a lot of stuff that's out there and think, "I can do that, as well or better." Sometimes they're right, and sometimes they're wrong, but because it's now so easy to shoot something and put something up, there are a lot more of people wanting to jump in. Which is not a bad thing, it just means there's a LOT out there that is just sort of "pretty competent," and you need to sift to find the extraordinary.

Liz: So let's make a decision. If we cannot stop white boys from rapping, perhaps we can curtail what they are allowed to rap about?

Jill: This falls into the whole queen-of-the-world decree-making scenario, of which I am always a fan. What would you outlaw as subjects?

Liz: Well, we probably can't say "the entire Internet," but after Facebook Gangsta, I am prepared to say that social networking sites are done.

Jill: Fair. I can agree to that.

Liz: What else?

Jill: I would say anything that is pure gangsta, with no new content, just for the sake of a white person being nasty. AKA anything from Bo Burnam to Natalie Portman. They are amusing but played out.

Liz: Yes, though I do have this perverse fondness for Bo Burnam.

Jill: As I have for the Natalie Portman rap.

Liz: Part of me really wants to make an exception to any rapper who accompanies himself on a Casio keyboard.

Jill: Hah. Also, you have to actually rap well. Just rapping for the sake of being Caucasian-ly incompetent, á la Screech on Saved by the Bell, is ooooollllllddd. As proven by my very example.

I'm trying to think of anything else that should be forbidden rap material... Anything about being white?

Liz: That's a good call.

Jill: White and Nerdy being the exception, obviously, as Weird Al gets to do what he wants.

Liz: What about romance?

Jill: I liked when Daryl "Chill" Mitchell rapped the Shakespearean sonnet in Ten Things I Hate About You, but that's all that I can think of.

Liz: Well, Daryl "Chill" Mitchell is black. Black people are allowed to rap whenevers.

Jill: I'm sure they'll be glad to hear that.

Liz: I figure that after 400 years of racial oppression, it's the least I can do.

Jill: You're a sport.

Liz: Hey, they invented rapping, and they did a damn good job of it too.

Jill: True dat.

I saw the Monkees in concert in the late 80's with Weird Al Yankovic as the opening act.

Today the WMD turns 28. No doubt he'll spend most of it with his nose stuck in a book about Aristotle or singing the Hebrew alphabet to the tune of Beat It. Seriously, he had to do it to sing to his Hebrew class and that's the song he chose. He's clever like that. And like Weird Al Yankovich. 

So, what did I get him? A mowed lawn. That's right, I mowed the lawn for him last night. And it was tall. Like past my ankles tall. What more could a man want for his birthday than a wife who will mow the lawn for him? So what if I ran over the sewer line and sheared the cap right off it. Looks like he'll be working on that today too. He was a good sport about it though.

Oh, and I also got him this and this. Between these and the gift certificate to Sweet Maria's that my parents got him, he should be buzzed from now to December.

He always tries to get his presents out of me early- and he always manages to succeed. I've given up on surprising him totally and just hand him his gifts they day I buy them. I think he does this because he knows that when his birthday rolls around a few weeks later, I'll feel bad that he doesn't have a present to open and will get him another gift. He's a wily one.

He's also my best friend. Not to get too sentimental, but I'm so grateful that I can say that. In the midst of a heated debate a few weeks ago over laundry folding or paint colors or something ridiculous, I grabbed him round the waist, pulled him close and told him that even in our disagreements I know that I married the right person and I wouldn't make any other decision were I given the chance to now.

And then I won the argument.

Not Weird Al, you say? So did we...in fact we only took the photo cause we were so amazed that this guy looked so much like Weird Al and was out roaming Portland, yet we had never heard tales of the guy that looks so much like Weird Al. Until we looked at all the evidence pointing to yes. Besides the fact that he's got the trademark hair (frizzy and sans product, but his hair nonetheless), that is his nose and his wife and daughter. Plus it makes sense that he'd be wearing a shirt reading "Being vague is almost as fun as doing this other thing" and eating vegetarian food from the vegetarian food cart. Because duh he's weird.

What doesn't make sense is why he is doing these things here in our dinky little city. But then you research his tour schedule and discover that he was en route from Sacramento to Vernon, BC and enjoying one solitary day of freedom at this point in between tour stops.

So now all that is left to not make sense is why Max and I were downtown at the vegetarian food cart on a Tuesday at 2:09 when Max should have been at work and I should have already eaten cause I get crabby if I eat that late. The answer is that we had made plans to meet up for lunch at 12:30 and then go walk through a condo downtown that his office had worked on, but I got distracted and COMPLETELY FORGOT TO PICK HIM UP AT 12:30 & he had to call me at 1 to ask where I was, and he sounded pissed because HE was the one who was hangry by this point. So I rushed over to his office and picked him up, but we had to bypass lunch so we could go to the walk-through, all the while he is kind of fuming in a Max doesn't really get that pissed off kind of way cause he's getting more and more famished.

Finally we finished up the condo visit (which is lovely btw if anyone's 600k is burning a hole in their pocket) and headed over to the food carts on SW 5th. In a bid to appease Max I handed over my $3 in cash and yelled GO GO GO I'LL GET THE PARKING! I found him 6 yards from the the vegetarian cart awaiting his late lunch, and that is where we encountered our not so faux afterall Weird Al.

Moral of the story: You may think you are late, but you're actually right on time.

Second moral of the story: You may live in L.A. all your life being pretty blasé about movie star sightings, but if you move to Portland, OR you will pee your pants over accordion-playing parodists.

You know, I just don't understand how a guy who looks like Weird Al's dirty little brother (with moose knuckle, to boot) manages to continually attract cute, young starlets, like Mischa Barton. I'd say maybe Cisco Adler has a really great personality, but those fugly hipster clothes seem to indicate otherwise.

I'm one of the first troopers on stage, away from the camera, but you can sort of see me at the end of the line.

The following lyrics should be sung to the tune of I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry, Lukasz Gottwald, Max Martin and Cathy Dennis. I apologize in advance to these writers for butchering your chart-topping song.

Please don't steal this parody, unless you happen to be Weird Al Yankovic. If you are Weird Al, I'm a big fan and would greatly appreciate you using this song and helping me make millions (or even 10 bucks would be sweet).

For the record, I personally do not remember ever kissing anyone named Earl (male, female or hermaphrodite), although it's not beyond reason I may have been given a peck on the cheek as an infant by my Uncle Earl.

Anyway, here are the lyrics to I Kissed an Earl:

There is this cool show on TV

It’s really funny

One actress is super hot to me

She’s Jaime Pressly

Won a trip to

The closed set

Just wanted to check her out

It’s not Ms. Pressly I met

Ended up getting thrown out

------------------

I kissed an Earl and I liked it

Even though it made me feel sick

I kissed an Earl just to try it

I hope my wife doesn’t like it

It felt so weird

It felt so dumb

I think my lips went all numb

I kissed an Earl and I liked it

I liked it

------------------

No I would not repeat this act

Pretend it didn’t happen

Forget he smelled of vanilla extract

Lips are still chappin’

It’s not what

Straight guys do

Not supposed to smooch Jason Lee

And guys don’t

Use the word “smooch”

What’s happened to me!?

-------------------

I kissed an Earl and I liked it

Should have been Jaime’s red lips

I kissed an Earl just to try it

Can we just call it a slip?

It felt so off

It felt so strange

Don’t mean I’m totally deranged

I kissed an Earl and I liked it

I liked it.

------------------

Us guys we are such homophobes

Football, fast cars, and huge ski slopes

We like when two chicks kiss and stroke

But different – with two dudes

I guess because they don’t have boobies

---------------------

I kissed an Earl and I liked it

But the world says I must quit

I kissed an Earl just to try it

Put that in your pan and fry it

It felt so wrong

Maybe I'm nuts

Probably shouldn’t have squeezed Earl’s butt

I kissed an Earl and I liked it

I liked it

Just read this article. Thought provoking, if nothing else, although I don't think album covers are dead at all. I'm still anti the MP3 generation and I love my tangible, physical products, but it's not technology killing album covers, that's an easy excuse. It's over saturation, lack of ideas, and apathy on the consumers part more likely. Meh. Read on, and leave a comment saying what your favourite album cover art is, if you can narrow it down. I can't narrow it down, so I'll just go with Poodle Hat by Weird Al.

LNaP's favourite gothic surf rock four piece from Perth, Snowman, got a 'recommended' by Pitchfork which is the Indie world's Olympic Silver Medal. Well done kids, you're winners in our eyes.

On Saturday night I went with Mr Tragic 'Todd' Ether to see Sydney quintet Teenagersintokyo. Despite some shenanigans involving DJ's and opening bands, the gig went off, and Transit's run of packed out indie gigs with lines up the street continues. Definately a lot more intense than the last time I saw them, but I don't know if it was them or the gin and tonic's I'd been drinking. There are some god awful photos on my flickr, but instead of going to the trouble of embedding a link somewhere in the article, you can just click the link on the right hand side of the page.

5. "Thriller", Michael Jackson. This was one of my favorite music videos as a kid (and one of my favorite albums, too). Some would consider this THE classic and put it at No. 1, but for me it's just a bit too dated for that. It's not as timeless as my other four top picks. But it's still a great video despite it's eight-minute length. How did they get away with that?

4. "Sledgehammer", Peter Gabriel. You may wonder how this one tops "Thriller", which I just called "dated" above. "Sledgehammer" does indeed look dated, too, with its '80s-era stop-motion animation. But this video was one of the first ones I ever saw, and it still makes me smile every time I see it. It's a funny song and a hilarious video. I vaguely remembering that it won video of the year back in 1986, but for me it's No. 4 of all time.

3. "Survivalism", Nine Inch Nails. Yes, another NIN video. Why? Because they are awesome. Every single one. But "Survivalism" marks not only the return to form for NIN in general, but also one of the best stories ever told in music video form. And the cinematography, filming the security camera monitors of apartments and hallways in an apartment building? Get outta here. It's fan-freaking-tastic. And the ending? A political knockout. A dramatic re-imaging of Big Brother of 1984 fame, updated for the post-9/11 age.

2. "Hurt," Johnny Cash. It's another Nine Inch Nails song, but this time it's being covered by someone else. And not just anyone -- Johnny Cash. ZOMG! I don't know where even to begin with this music video. It's the most moving music video I have ever seen. Johnny Cash took one of my favorite NIN songs and injected it with more realism, more pain, more suffering, more agony than I ever could have imagined. And the video is just as lonely, just as agonizing. The fact that Cash looks near death (it is believed that this video was meant to be his epitaph) certainly adds to the haunting effect of the video. And images and videos of Cash's past drive home that this song seems to have been written about Cash's troubled life. Wow. I mean, Wow.

1. "White and Nerdy," Weird Al. Before you get upset and start sending me hate mail, hear me out on this one. Let's get the easy ones out of the way first: Weird Al, like him or not, is an incredible musician (and I'm not just talking about his spot-on parodies of popular songs). His videos are always hilarious, and this one is no exception. What puts this one over the top compared to any other video I have seen is the attention to detail. From lyrics (my favorite: "Happy Days is my favorite theme song / I can sure kick your butt in a game of Ping Pong / I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on / I'm fluent in JavaScript as well as Klingon") to the images of Donny Osmond dancing spastically behind Weird Al dressed as a gangsta to an incredibly brief cameo of Seth Green (of Robot Chicken fame) showing off his action figure collection before smacking his ass, it's easy to see why this is the funniest video EVER. It mentions all of the nerd stereotypes -- Star Trek, Star Wars, PASCAL, fanny packs, Renaissance Faires -- and even some I wasn't aware of -- nerds love mayonaise and get freaky at night with bubble wrap. Throwing in the "real" gangstas, who are both appalled and annoyed by Weird Al's wannabe gangsta attitude is just the icing on the cake. And did I mention that Weird Al directed the video, too? Awesome. How much do I love this video? It's the only one that I have ever purchased; I bought it soon after seeing it the first time. Two bucks was a steal for a video that I watch monthly. It's just that damn good.

And since this is my No. 1 music video ever here's another version done completely in stop-motion animation with LEGOs. Genius.

This week's is a bit of a strange one, but still excellent! I think that if someone did a remake of this, using the wigs instead of paint, it would be even better! Ladies and gentlemen, Club Penguin- Homer & Marge by drewdy9999 (featuring Weird Al Yankovich)!

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If the code didn't work, please click this link. Tune in next week for another Vid Of The Week!

Until next time...

Waddle on!

Bodge101

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Weird Al Yankovic - The Ultimate Video Collection is available at Amazon for $13.97. To Order click here
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Other Products of Interest

• Straight Outta Lynwood
• UHF
• The Weird Al Show - The Complete Series
• Weird Al Yankovic - Live
• Weird Al Yankovic - Greatest Hits, Volume 1

Aquarius
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

Pisces
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus
You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

Aries
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Taurus
You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

That's your horoscope for today-yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today-yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
That's your horoscope for today

Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiancé hurls a javelin through your chest

Cancer
The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test

Leo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik

Virgo
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stake

That's your horoscope for today-yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today-yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
That's your horoscope for today

Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.

Where was I?

Libra
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented than you
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week

Scorpio
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window
Work a little bit harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

Sagittarius
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den

Capricorn
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying
If I were you, I’d lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

That's your horoscope for today-yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today-yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today-yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today-yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
That's your horoscope for today

Finally... how many of you saw Weird Al last night? We've been curious about how his songs and antics would translate to a live stage and considered going, but, again, the energy thing. Tell us your thoughts on the performance in the comments below.

- For anyone who always wanted to know what books are about without reading them, The Guardian's John Crace will tell you about them in 400 words or less.

- Embargo..shmargoo. The Detroit News reports that Canadian airline Sunwing plans to offer direct flights to Cuba from Windsor, Ontario (a short ride from Detroit). Wait, you say, aren't Americans banned from visiting Cuba? The Detroit News estimates that the ban has not stopped 20,000-30,000 Americans from visiting each year. (Technically you are allowed to visit, just not spend money) Will those numbers go up? Anyone ever been stuck in Michigan for the winter?

-If you have thirty seconds check this out, you don't even have to read it.

-Older, white, Christian male does a parody of "Baby Got Back." Need I say more?

Click this link to check it out:

The Radio Dan Show: DVD Commentary For The Radio