I'll have you know, part of the reason that I didn't give Will nearly as much air time as Lucy re. first day things was because we were spending quite a bit of time in the doctor's office with him, dealing with all sorts of fun (not) tests for various blood diseases, coughs, hives, etc. As of now, all appears to be as well as could be. The blood disease (yes, the bad blood diseases that start with "L") appears to have been nothing but a virus that gave the doctor some weird readings. We still have to go back for a follow-up test, but no one appears to be worried. Well, no one who actually knows what they're talking about -- I, of course, am still quaking.

Just when that was coming closer to being a memory, he got some cold that was characterized by awful coughing. Although it never sounded croupy, it did bring to mind the night of the ambulance meeting us on the side of the road. Joy. And then when things were finally settling down again, he got hives. Now, for most people, this evokes an 'eh' reaction, shoulder shrug included. Since the last time someone mentioned 'hives' in the context of Will it was the doctor saying that if hives occur use the EpiPen immediately, however, it wasn't so much of a shrug as a Oh-my-God-call-the-doctor-now! (Uh, yes, once again that was from me. Kelley did agree that a phone call was in order, but I don't think that his heart was racing a million miles per minute.)

Again, as of the last report (Monday night's visit to Robin, his asthma case manager), it seems as though the hives could just have been the end of the same virus that gave him the three days in a row of unexplained 103 degree fever, thus having us end up in the Hematology Lab at Children's. Which, as crazy as it seems, is a good thing.

So you see? Will was very much in my mind for the last month. I just haven't had a chance to write about his first day (o.k., month) of school. Which I will now do.

As you will see, he was eager to get there. He and Lucy had their matching uniforms, matching lunchboxes, and, surprisingly, matching smiles.

Everyone was in such a good mood, in fact, that we were able to get a whole series of pictures of them doing silly things. Now why, I ask you, is it impossible to get them to follow directions like, "Don't hit each other in the head with books because you will end up in the hospital," but when you say, "Stand on one foot and cluck like a chicken," they go along without hesitation? Sigh.

Everyone went to the school together, with Lucy explaining to Will how the kindergartners would sit outside in front of the school and wait until the whole class was there, then they'd say goodbye to all the parents and go inside together as a class. (Sound familiar? Like the way Conn separates the freshmen from their parents during Orientation weekend?) Since Lucy wanted to get to before-school, we were the first ones there. Luckily, the teachers came out almost immediately, so Will got some one-on-one time (or, rather four-on-one, since there were the teachers of both classes plus their aides, and they were all sufficiently fawning over his adorableness). Then all the rest of the class came.

As these things go, no one really did much talking to each other. They all just kind of sat there. Surprisingly, there weren't any tears -- or, make that, none of the kids were crying at least. I know I wasn't the only mom whose eyes were a bit dewey as our, sniff, babies went off to kindergarten. I wasn't quite as bad as I was on Lucy's first day of kindergarten, but yes, I was a little emotional.

When, after he came home, I asked him if he had made any new friends. His finger went up as he said, "One. Giancarlos asked me to be his friend." Apparently, it's kind of like going steady. A declaration actually has to be made. I wouldn't be surprised if there were a pin involved. Happily, though, in talking to his teacher in the weeks since then, although they do appear to focus on one-on-one interactions, they appear to rotate quite easily and all the kids in the class have become (unofficially) friends. The boys, at least. Yesterday Will did inform me that Ashanti and, well, I don't remember but one of the other girls, had asked him to chase them around the playground but he said no. Why? I asked. He looked at me as though I was an idiot. "Because that's stupid." Well, yes. Interesting to see that from the boy's perspective.

I promise I will try and be a little more timely. If you'd like to see more pictures from Will's first day of school, you can see it at: http://tinyurl.com/4ew874 (there are even more on Flickr). You might be seeing some more pictures from me because I'm trying to clear out the camera before Jaime and Dan's wedding next week.

Fall has definitely arrived in Santa Fe. Leaves are a changin' and snow appeared on the peaks. It's starting to feel more like home here - I know how to get around the city and the house is feeling cozy. I just bought a bunch of piñon wood for fires. We haven't had to use the fireplace yet, but it's coming. I'm looking forward to the season's reflection of the need to hibernate - to go within. I'm wearly of starting new long-term projects as I would like to start taking marimba lessons but for some reason I'm holding back. It's as if I dont want to plant new seeds as they may not be hearty enough by the time my inner winter arrives, to survive the freeze. Who knows. Warmth comes in many ways.

Santa Fe is a very interesting mix - not quite as homogeneous as I thought it might be. Though SF is decidedly pro-Obama, there is a very conservative element too. There are farmers and actors; rich and poor; Mexicans and whiteys; though not a whole lot of blacks. There are rough edges and pompous marshmallow centers. I was at the farmer's market today (which is amazing by the way; I'll devote a post tho that soon) and overheard a woman ask where she might be able to find avocados. The man she asked laughed loudly and made sure the woman felt a least a little stupid for asking. "You're joking!" he proclaimed. "This is a local market!" People are very proud of the organic-local-liberal-diy-unmainstream-ness which can be quite a trun-off, when expressed in such a negative way. However, people here are very friendly for the most part and will take the time to stop and chat with you. Most people make you feel very welcome and appriciated.

I've become hooked on heirloom tomatoes. The local-er the better. The tomatoes at the market have alot longer to ripen since they dont have to travel such a long distance. I tell you - AMAZING! I cant even describe how much flavor they have. It makes me wonder about the nature of commercial agriculture and why conventional tomatoes that have to trave 1000 miles are cheaper than organic ones grown 60 miles away. Why are raw nuts more expensive than roasted and salted ones?

There are some interesting shifts at the gallery. The director left and is starting a new gallery. The owners have now been installed as interim governors directors. It sort of feels like a coup d'etat. I will share more on that later.

We are currently being pelted by hail.

Kara is really getting into her classes. She's at a workshop today for something called Human Neuro-Linguistic Programming. She's very busy and we dont get to see eachother as much as I would like but she's really growing and its not a long program.

So we like it here and will probably stay for awhile.

My mom and Kara's parents came down for a week. It was fun. We went to the balloon festival in ABQ but got rained out for the evening session. There were about 600 balloons there! I'll leave you with some pics Kara took of the fest.

This is my entry into Write From Karen's photo contest...

1. Get back up.
Mr. Weathers favors the illustration of somebody falling on the steps to their front porch, then asking their mom to bring them the essentials for life because they don't want to get up. this is kinda ridiculous sounding, but as I found in my life, was all too often the case. when you're standing, so to speak, getting back up after you've fallen seems like the only thing to do. when you fall however, staying on the ground is all together too tempting. when you fail spiritually just shrugging your shoulders and forgetting all about it is way easier then actually trying to get back up and accomplish your goals. I found this to be true in my devotional time, prayer life, attitude, et cetera ad nauseum. the righteous man indeed does fall seven times, but then by the grace of God he gets back up.

2. Grow up
Rand Hummel termed it the "peter pan" syndrome. staying a kid forever is fun because you don't have to worry about responsibility or anything important like that, but sometimes you just have to grow up, and as it just so happens, God commands it. I do have a set of beliefs. if you ask me about them I can tell you. but I do not have the knowledge required to go to the Bible and show people things if they're struggling, or explain reasoning behind some of the standards that I have only because my authorities have them, or many other things. pointing people to others with a bigger knowledge of the Bible is easy, but it is my duty to study and learn so that I can show people and come to a greater knowledge of our God. unfortunately, we can't stay kids forever.

3. Fall in Rank Behind God
Rand Hummel preached about what company we were in. he talked about 3 companies, the cowards, the comfortable Christians, and the chameleons. shortly after he started the third point, I realized to my dismay that I was a horrible combination of the three. I was a comfortable Christian that tried to fit in with everyone and was to scared to stand up for Christ. since I go to bja and work at the bju dining common I'm surrounded by Christians all the time and I easily rationalized myself away saying that if any standing up for Jesus needed to happen, there are plenty of other people here to do it. I really had no backbone, spiritually. I dare say that you probably would have had to directly swear at me before I would have said anything. although it isn't always the prettiest thing, God commands us to stand for Him. we may lose friends over the exchange, but I'd rather have Jesus than friends who will cuss me out. am I a soldier of the cross?

In February, Samuel will be accepted to all of the schools he applied to, with lots of scholarships. We pick our favorite one and plan our move.

After a fairly easy year, I will graduate from BYU in April, along with my mom and my brother. My whole family will be there, and everyone who wants to will have a ticket to see the inspiring and not-as-long-or-boring-or-crowded-as-I'd-feared Commencement.

Within the summer Samuel and I will pack up and move. We'll have lots of help so it won't be hard at all. I'll get to throw away/give away all the stuff that we don't need or want.

We'll arrive at our beautiful, pet-friendly apartment in Collegeville, and fill it with great Craigslist furniture and decor finds. My kitty will be with us, and we'll start looking into adopting a dog.

I will be pregnant by this time and have a baby very soon. I'll have an awesome natural labor and birth in a friendly hospital, with a friendly and comforting midwife. Everything will go like clockwork, and Samuel won't be too grossed out by the blood and gunk. Life at home with the baby will be hard, but wonderful. Everyone will be happy and healthy.

Samuel will get some kind of job that he loves at the university.

Our ward will be welcoming and we'll get callings and make lots of friends.

All this while, our car will still be running strong.

We'll have lots more babies, maybe one every two years or so.

After graduating with his PhD (hopefully he can get both degrees at one school) we will pick a place where we want to move, and rent a house there. Samuel will find that there is a great need for his counseling abilities. He opens his own practice.

After living there for a year or so, and getting to know the people and the area, a perfect 10-acre piece of land will fall into our laps. We'll buy it and start building our dream house. We'll finish it within a year or two, and have only a small mortgage because we'll do much of it ourselves or with friends, buying supplies as we get the money.

We'll have plenty of money, because Samuel will be everyone's favorite marriage counsuler, and he'll be hired by the Church as a counsuler, too.

After our house is built and perfect, we'll get a horse for me. Possibly two so someone can ride with me.

I'll homeschool our kids and we'll have a great time learning, playing, creating, and caring for our land and animals. Our garden will be a glorious thing. I'll learn how to can and we'll stock up on all the things we grow. Our lifestyle will be very sustainable, but not so radically sustainable that people are turned off by us.

The kids will all grow up to be wise, intelligent, creative, peace-loving, resourceful, charitable, faithful, and good citizens. They'll love each other and their parents, and want to spend time together. They will have successful lives and families, be active in the church, married in the temple, etc.

Samuel will retire and we'll serve a mission at some point. We'll keep our little farm for as long as we can keep it up. If we have to we'll quit working the farm and sell the animals, but still live in the house. Then we'll die within a few months of each other, in our eighties.

The End (of mortal life)

På fredag så jeg Fritt Vilt 2 sammen med noen venner. Det ar egentlig utrolig morsomt å se den på kino, for alle begynte å le av hvor høyt de selv skrek. Jeg satt deler av filmen å holdt meg for ørene, og greide å bite veninna mi i tommelen. Jeg ser svært skjeldent skrekkfilmer, og er veldig lettskremt. Så jeg var veldig sliten på en morsom måte når filmen bar ferdig. Etterpå spiste vi på bryggen, det var utrolig koselig og morsomt. 

På vei hjem ringte en fra jobb og lurte på om jeg kunne ta en m vakt i morgen, og domsnill som jeg er sa jeg selfølgelig ja. Så alt jeg egentlig hadde to dager på har jeg måtte prød å få gjort i dag. Og jeg er utrolig verrasket over meg selv! vanigvis ender jeg bare opp med å gjøre under halvparten når ting ser uoverkommelige ut, men i dag har det faktisk gått bra.

Håper drer har hatt en koselig helg!

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]]> http://blakeashley.wordpress.com/?p=16 Sat, 11 Oct 2008 20:13:48 +0000 blakeashley http://blakeashley.no.wordpress.com/2008/10/11/an-angel-on-the-radio/ This week, I went from down-in-the-dumps to taking responsibility. I have to admit, it hasn't been easy, but it was very necessary in order for me to live the life I truly want.

This week, I realized how far behind I was in school.

You see, the first two weeks of school I was so ill with whatever virus was going around, I could barely get out of bed and missed far too much of class. My immune system was so low from the stress and tribulations of my pile of crap that I wasn't dealing with, that whatever life was left in me was sucked right out when the virus came.

After I recovered, depression set in. Nightmares began, stress and drama around my relationship and a lack of confidence. I stopped caring about my friends, my classes, my homework, my life.

I just wanted to sleep and I didn't want to be disturbed.

What I needed was a good kick in the butt, and the Universe gave me one of those, which you can read about in my previous post.

As we approached the mid-point of the semester (this past Thursday) I realized how much of my future was on the line.

If I didn't pass all four of my classes this semester, I wouldn't receive my associates degree, which means I wouldn't be attending FIDM in January. Not good- since my family and I have been planning the day I go to FIDM for four years.

I realized I was at a crossroads.

I could either give up, or I could suck it up, be honest with my teachers about my position and make the biggest effort possible every day from now until the end of the semester, finals included.

I sat down, closed my eyes and visualized what it would be like to be at FIDM (The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising). I saw the art projects I would be doing, the glee in my teachers eyes when grading them, and all of the people that told me I was destined to be a political artist- helping change the world with my creations.

I knew that was where I am supposed to be, and a large wave of warm, happiness swept over me. A smile stretched between the corners of my lips.

I have to change my behavior, I thought.

The first step was making the decision that I would attend every class from now on.

Before I was going to maybe about 50% of my classes- not such a good idea at a major University. I could get away with that at a community college, but not a University like this one.

So, Wednesday rolled around and I was as prepared as I could be with my readings. I was ready to start fresh, but then I slept through my first class. 

As I realized I wasn't keeping my promise to myself, I began to get sad and could feel the depression kicking in again. Not wanting to allow it to take control, I forced myself to think positive.

Don't get down on yourself, Blake. You are going to 3 out of 4 classes. That's a HUGE improvement from last week, where you barely went at all. Besides, on Friday you can make the commitment to go to all four.

One step at a time, I thought.

I felt relieved.

As I was driving to class, I started becoming aware of the negative spiral of my thoughts. All I could think about was what would happen if I failed out this semester. I immediately stopped myself and reminded myself that I had the Universe and I had to trust.

Then, a miracle happened. I suddenly became aware that the stereo was on and the song that was playing...

"Oh, we're half way there... Oh, living on a prayer! Take my hand... we'll make it I swear..."

God was speaking to me! Tears began to stream down my face as I mentally slapped myself for forgetting He is always with me, always conspiring on my behalf. I was so excited to get to class, I hummed the song the entire way there.

Then I was faced with my big pile of crap when I arrived in my History class. At first I was grateful when I spoke to another classmate who told me he didn't get through all of the reading. (It took me 3 hours to get through the first chapter, so I didn't even make it to the second). I felt even better when our teacher applauded us for even trying and then went over the material to make sure we understood.

So far so good.

Then she handed back our tests. On the inside of the front cover there were two letters:

F/D

F for the test, D for my participation grade.

My heart fell to the floor as I held back tears with every ounce of my strength.

Here I was, just trying to keep myself out of a give-up-mindset, and my reality was making it very clear to me that my past actions were far below par.

I remembered the Universe, and the importance of being Positive, and I asked my teacher if I could speak with her after class.

We met at her office, and she told me she could understand if I was freaking out. I began to cry. (I'm so emotional!) And then, another miracle.

She told me to cheer up, take the bull by the horns, and try harder for the rest of the semester. She told me it was understandable that I was struggling since I missed so much school due to illness in the beginning, and she understood. She said that if I made an effort for the rest of the semester, and didn't miss any more class, then she could use her authority to give me a passing grade, regardless of the percentage. If I showed effort and improvement, I would be okay. Then she showed me the proper way to study History and how to breakup the material so I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed.

It was like an angel had flown down from Heaven, showing me the way to Salvation.

I left feeling Grateful, Powerful and Positive.

The rest of my day was wonderful.

I wrote a note to my Health teacher (the other class I was concerned about) asking her to keep an eye on my future behavior (mostly attendance) and to please judge my grade based on my improvement, since I hadn't been doing well due to illness (which we had previously discussed) and depression.

Everything started looking up, and I realized that I do have control.

The lesson here is that I am creating my circumstances, and as time moves faster and things begin to manifest more quickly, it is important to keep my eye on my goals, and not allow anything to stand in my way, all negativity included. When we focus on the negative, that is all we can see. When we catch ourselves doing so, and we switch to a positive mindset, no matter how bad the circumstances or situation, good things WILL manifest. Everything will be okay. Everything will be WONDERFUL.

Oh, and I went to all four of my classes on Friday.

:-)

Thank you God for everything you've done for me. I couldn't do it without you.

Peace and Love,

Blake

Campion College Basketball: Campionites end season on high, trouncing Tarrant

Posted by DIphoeniX at 2:24 PM

Campion College Basketball: Campionites season comes to an end, with loss to St. Catherine

Posted by DIphoeniX at 7:20 PM

Last night I had a life changing experience.

My life and all of the issues or "crap" I have ignored, was abruptly thrown in my face, all in a very overwhelming moment.

Let me backtrack a moment to preface the situation. Although I'd like to start at the beginning, I don't have years, so I will just recap.

My boyfriend and I of 5 months broke up one week ago. 5 months doesn't sound like long, but it was the most powerful, intimate, fulfilling relationship I have ever had. We complimented each other very well and became each other's best friends- both going through the same life challenges at the same time. However, we slowly but surely went from being compatible to taking advantage of each other. I am a free spirit and he is very grounded. I wanted to explore my sexuality and feelings I was having for other women, and he was uncomfortable. He struggled with self esteem issues, I struggle with self esteem issues. We ended up so dependent on each other that we couldn't function in the world without one another. It became destructive. So we broke up. Then got back together. Then broke up. Then got back together. We are like two magnets- unable to stay apart.

Until I finally felt so drained of energy I just couldn't do it anymore. I was scared I would get left behind (we share the same circle of friends and they knew him first) and let it dwindle on probably longer than I should have. When we finally ended it, for real, it was devastating. I guess each of us always thought we would end up together- regardless of our problems and need for space. 

So, we broke up- I realized I had completely lost my identity in our relationship and became dangerously depressed. Not suicidal (I've been down that road and know better) but feeling incapable, unworthy of life, and without purpose. I later found out, he was battling the same things I was. Which makes sense seeing how we both let ourselves become so consumed in "us" that we each forgot "me". 

As I battled my depression- my overeating, inability to get out of bed, disregard for school and homework, obsession with needing a job but feeling like a failure with no credentials, feelings of fear and worthlessness- I reached out to my friends.

The problem was, they were so sick and tired of the drama our "break up-get back together" routine, they weren't really there. I was stuck at home while my "friends" were partying- celebrating a few birthdays- and he was invited instead of me. Of course, no explanation was given to me- they just didn't want drama and I was the one who ended up getting pushed out. One of our mutual friends would (I think) purposely invite my ex over to keep me away. (There is some animosity between us- she likes my roommate- a guy I had a connection with when my ex and I were on our first break- yes, I know it's complicated.) This in turn, kept me away from all of my other friends (her roommates) and since I haven't heard from any of them in days- I am assuming they don't want drama and it's easier to not have me around.

Not that I cause drama- usually I am the most drama-free out of everyone- but ever since I lost my confidence in who I am- everything has been turned upside down.

Depression set in, negative thoughts took over and the neediness began. Never fun.

So, my boyfriend (and best friend- who we'll call Wink) was gone, and my friends left too.

I was all alone- depressed and wanting my life to end.

After hours of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I called a friend (we'll call her Copper) from back home (a small town where my dad is from 1 1/2 hours from school- not to be confused with my native home of Colorado where my mom lives) and she told me to come home for the weekend to get my mind off things.

I thought it was a great idea. I needed to get my head back on straight and remember the magnificent Being that I Am.

I headed down Friday night (last night) and met up with my friend, Copper. She was at the house of a friend of a guy she really liked. I arrived and she immediately warned me of the mess inside. I shrugged it off, thinking I had seen everything there was to see concerning bachelor pads and we went inside. Apparently, the friend who lived there was actually renting a room from a guy that was currently out of town and clearly incapable of cleaning up after himself. He told me that he was always cleaning up after him and it had gotten to the point where he didn't even like to leave his room because cleaning up after this guy was a waste of his time, as it would get dirty again within 48 hours. 

I walked inside, and sadly, wasn't too affected by what I saw- at first.

There was the most ADORABLE little puppy (about 6 pounds) waiting to be loved at the top of the stairs. I picked her up and was astonished at how friendly she was. I turned around to see piles of clothes all over the floors, and what looked like pee stains all over the floor. I walked into the kitchen and saw four puppy pads displayed messily in the middle of the floor, covered in dog feces. And pee. I'm talking this dog must have gone at least twenty times on these pads. Make that thirty. And this was in the kitchen where humans are supposed to eat- which must be impossible surrounded by the stench of feces. 

It was clear that this dog had been abandoned (her owner was out of town! and left no one to look after her- probably hoping his roommate would do so) and was in desperate need of love, haircut and a clean bathroom area.

Then I saw the cat. It looked up at me with it's huge green eyes as if it wanted some attention. I went to stroke it, and it ran away, scared of human touch.

We preceded downstairs to the garage/hangout area where the poker table was that we'd be playing at and within five feet of me, to my left, was a sandbox full to the brim of cat feces. It had gotten so full, that the cat was starting to poop on the floor around the sandbox. It stunk to high heavens, as you can imagine.

I sat down and forced myself not to think about it. I just wanted to forget everything that had happened the past week. 

As we sat there playing our hands of Texas Hold 'Em, my eyes couldn't help but wander to the cat. He just stared at me in wonderment, as the thought filled my head:

Please save me.

I heard it over and over again- this poor cat crying out for help- for a good home.

As an empath and an animal lover, this was very difficult for me. It took many fibers of strength for me not to grab both those animals and run out the door.

I regained my composure and continued the game.

And then it hit me like a wall of bricks.

The cat came over to the sandbox (five feet to my left) and looked at it in curiosity. It started circling the box- clearly needing to relieve himself- and began looking for a place to do it. It was obvious no more feces would fit in the sandbox, so he began to prepare himeself to poop on the floor next to it. Five feet away from me.

In this moment, a gigantic wave of emotion swept over me, and as I felt the remaining of my undigested dinner come up my throat into my mouth, I ran outside.

I knew they could tell something was wrong, but I didn't care.

I suddenly became extremely disgusted- not just with the condition of the dirty house, but with my life.

This dirty, feces infested house is a reflection of my life. I attracted this to me. The Universe is trying to tell me something, I thought.

I realized that I had ignored all of my issues for so long, typically blaming others for them, that my entire Being had become infested with crap, and this was the Universe's way of telling me so.

So much for not dealing with my crap, I thought.

I was so overwhelmed with everything that I told Copper I needed to leave and we went back to her house.

I didn't sleep a wink that night. I couldn't stop thinking about the mess my life was in, and how I was going to clean it up.

The next day, I was relieved to spend some time with my dad. I had dinner with him, my grandmother and grandfather and my uncle and we enjoyed some wonderful conversation about the economy and upcoming Presidential Election. I suddenly realized that these were the kinds of conversations I wanted to have.

I realized that I had been at a crossroads for some time now, and I was struggling to move from the College Party phase to the Responsible Adult phase. I had been wanting to "grow up" for some time, but felt trapped in my immature circle of friends and the alcohol obsessed college town I was living in.

And then I realized that neither of those factors should hold me back. The only thing holding me back was me.

The next step was to clean out my internal litter box and put one foot in front of the other on my journey to Responsible Adult.

Here I go.

koq bisa ya. Anehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ..... progress kek gitu koq diterima. Pdahal

Sudah kira2 3 bulan lama kompetisi LCEN berakhir. Spertinya uda berakhir. Catatan2 harian perjalanan CODING sampe laporan perjalanan dari surabaya udah kelarr... Sekarang mo ada catatan lageeeeeee.......

and parahnya pasti underrrrrrrr preasureeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Semoga bisaaa nambah CV kuuuuuuuuuuuu ...... :mrgreen: amin...

Left the house on time, a little early actually, and I got to the train station before Sam. So we got into the 1st car and sat down. When the train started (we're at the first/last stop on the route) and we made our way to Lisa's stop (which is after Karolina's but we didn't see her get on) Lisa got on, and we were talking for a bit, and I was annoying Lisa, distracting her while she tried to read Siddarthur for English class. Anyway, when we finally got to our stop and got off, we went to the street vendor that's on the way to school. I got my breakfast - a bacon, egg and cheese on a roll - and as we were waiting, Karolina walked up to us, apparently on the same train as we were, just a different car. So we all walked to the school together, meeting another friend of ours on the way there, Raquel. So the 5 of us are making our way to school, and are about to cross the street...and we look across. "What the f**k [I'm censoring because I want to get the most readers possible so if people have blockers or safe search or something, yea]..." im not sure who said it..it doesn't really matter. All we saw was a HUUUUUUUUGE line of students! It wrapped around from the entrance all down the side of the block and AROUND the corner and down that side! We didn't know what the heck was going on and we didn't have time to stop and ask, we just hurried to the end of the line. So we were standing around for a while, wondering what's up..but not too concerned because then we'd be late to gym and Lisa would be late DDP, both some of our least favorite classes. Then we hear 'They're checking bags and taking electronics'.

Oh

Em

Gee

!!!

WE FREAKED! We totally lost it! Karolina had only gotten her phone back the other day because our DDP teacher took it away from her (even though class hadn't started yet and she was shutting it off) and the school "lost" her phone (a Blackberry btw) but then they "found" it when her mom came to the school. And to top it off..there were pictures of the inside of the school on her phone...But yea, so she JUST got her phone back, she couldn't have it taken again. She also had a Zune with her. I had my iPod (which might not show up on metal detectors since its part plastic) and it happened to be the ONE day that I decide too bring my f**king camera with me! Sam had his NEW phone and his iPod, Lisa had her phone and her iPod. Those things are like our LIFE. We were losing our minds! We were freaking out trying to think of places to put it! Maybe hide it somewhere or something, they couldn't take our stuff! We heard some seniors say to give it to the guy at the pizzeria-yea right! So we were totally freaking out. There were security guards everywhere and they were saying to put everything in your bag: keys, coins, belts, everything. So we stuffed all our stuff in there, even though we didn't want them to take our stuff. The craziness was really getting to us, especially Karolina. She got completely delirious lmao. She had just bought a pack of gum earlier and had given us pieces. But now she was freaking out thinking that she would get in trouble for having gum as well, and that the pack would show through her skinny jeans. So she was acting all freaked out and telling us all to take pieces of gum lmaoo.

Anyway, we got closer to the doorway, and we had to scan our ID cards to get in the building. Then we were crowded into the area in between the first floor and the outside doors. So as we entered the first floor, the whole center was PACKED. And we saw security guards everywhere and there were giant metal detectors and machines and it was insane! There was a bunch of like, police tape, that was breaking off different areas of the floor. We were all freaking out, the craziness of the situation overwhelming us. We fussed for a bit, trying to get into an order, people not wanting to go first or last. I was so freaked that I even thought of faking an asthma attack to get out of it! But it was too late and before we knew it, we were right in front of the detectors. Sam and Karolina began towards the left and another row and I went to follow but the guy made me stop. 'Oh no!' I didn't want to get split up. So the guy told me to give him my bag, I went to give it to him (reluctantly) but then I remembered..

OH CRAP!

I had frozen my water bottle the night before so it would melt but stay cold throughout the day. When you do that, you put aluminum foil around it so it doesn't wet the other things in my bag... But what does a large cylindrical metal covered object look like?!?!?! A FREAKING BOMB! I almost DIED as i handed him my bag. And since it's such a small bag, everything is packed together, it'll be harder to tell what is what, especially with something that looks like that! So I told the guy in panic, "I have a water bottle covered with aluminum foil!!!" lmao I must've sounded ridiculous. But he nodded. So he put the bookbag in the machine and I walked through the detector. I was fine. But then, as my bag went through, the guy shouted

PHONE!!!!!!

And I heard the same thing, a few areas away where my friends were!!!

PHONE!!!! PHONEEE!!! I was terrified at what would happen next. They made us all walk to another area and then we had to go towards the auditorium. As we were going, I saw students being scanned with the wand thing! So we went in to the auditorium and it was PACKED! All of these students are students who were going to have things confiscated. We saw people going in and being directed to different areas of seats. We saw some people going up the stairs in the Auditorium, so we followed them, thinking that perhaps we were going to the balcony of the auditorium. We were going up and up and up, and we were confused and lost, not a clue where we were going, and then...

WOOSH. We opened a door and the light flooded us. It was quiet, unlike the auditorium, and there were no security guards...It was bright, and empty, and I swear it felt like Heaven. In reality, it was the 3rd floor.

We looked at each other, confused and in awe...we had gotten out of there! We were supposed to have our stuff taken away, but we escaped! It was like a crazy twist in an adventure movie! We had gotten away! And ironically, our first class was on the third floor anyway. By that time, we had all had a heart attack from the previous events (especially me) and we could care less about rushing to class. We walked to the room, in a bit of a daze. 1st period was almost over anyway, so we got to miss half of double gym :). Plus, because of the lines outside, we weren't allowed to go out and across the street to the park to run track. THANK GOD, because it was freezing out.

That's what you call luck..and a little bit of accidental skill. Haha crazy

_____________________________________________________

Tuesday:

I woke up at freaking 6:23!! I was soo late! I'm supposed to wake up at 6! So I threw on some clothes and grabbed my stuff and bolted out the door. I missed my usual bus so I had to take a later one. So we got into the 1st car and sat down. Once the train started and got to Karolina's stop, I saw her walking towards the front, but she got into the second car. Sam and I followed and met up with her, though she was mad about that, lol, just because she was being Karolina. Then, Lisa got on at her stop, but in the first car so I had to go get her.

Anyway, so now the 4 of us are in the second car, and after a certain point, there train got emptier so we were all chilling and hanging out. I had to do my math homework so I opened my book but was distracted so I didn't start it. The train stopped at a station, it's doors remaining open. Normally, the would close right after and we would start moving, but today, this wasn't the case. The train stopped, not moving. The train conductor announced over the speaker that..There was a power outage on the main track. Brilliant, just brilliant, however, it bought me some time to do my math homework, so I thanked God for that. So anyway, apparently all the trains had to use the express track so there were a bunch of delays as we made our way to our stop. By the time we got to our stop, we were already quite late, so we decided to stop at the street vendor as Sam bought my signature breakfast. We were late already..so what the hell. Then we stopped at the deli where I bought a bag of chips and Karolina bought a bag of Reese's Pieces. So, by the time we got to school, we were 20 minutes late to first period. We agreed, after the matter, that we should've been later because it wouldn't have made a difference. We tried explaining it to our DDP teacher (1st and 2nd period class for that day) but he pretty much just shrugged it off.

And to top it all off, we got grades back for a quiz we took at I got a freaking 17. Yes, out of 100. But it was a 3 question quiz so each question was 33-34 points. I got 17 because I apparently answered half a question. I tried to ask him if he would give me more credit because I had all the right answers, in the right order...just not in the right answer spaces. I didn't remember the differentiation of each step in the desgin process so I ended up clumping step one with step two, and then putting the answer for step three in the step 2 spot...They were all the right answers, but he refused to give me credit. Ugh Whatever. I honestly can't stand DDP because of my teacher. He is completely monotone, boring, and unfair. I'm actually thinking that I might fail this class...seriously. He doesn't grade fairly, AND he says he'll drop the lowest grade of THE ENTIRE YEAR! WTF! When teacher's drop the lowest grade, they do it per marking period, that's how it counts! He's saying that in June, he'll drop the lowest grade. And he's got this bullshit thing where he says that he can understand if we end up just having a bad day and getting a low test score which is why he'll drop the lowest, but if you've got 5 or 6 bad days, then it's not bad days, you need to study or relearn or whatever, basically he thinks its just not possible. Ermm.. only 6 out of like 270 days of school...wow, yea, I'll never have more than 6/270 bad days...HA YEA RIGHT. He also says that the reason he won't give me credit on my quiz is because you "Can't go to second base before you go to first". BUT MY ANSWERS WERE IN THE RIGHT ORDER!!! That's not going for second to first. That's going from first to second to third.

If because of his bad grading, if my average dips down because of him, UGHHH I don't know...I just hate it. And it's not like I can't take a bad grade. I can. I know when I deserve it. But I also know when I don't. Grr.

-------------------------------------------

Wednesday:

I had a newspaper meeting after school. Sam came because he was going to quit. Lisa was going to wait for us, but then said that she would meet us at a certain street corner. The meeting was going to be quick, but half-way through, Sam just told them that he was quitting and he bolted out the door, laughing at me because he was leaving and saying that he wasn't going to wait for me. Anyway, I never found them. So when I got home, I got online and got into a fight with him, and he lied to me about what he did after he left. Anyway, it doesn't matter, just some stress. We got over it.

---------------------------------------

Thursday:

I didn't have any school today because of the Jewish holiday, Yom Kippur. I love the Jews! lol. Anyway, got into ANOTHER argument, this time on Facebook..ugh. I'm not going to bother explaining.

---------------------------------------

Friday:

I woke up at 6:40!!!!!!!! I PANICKED! For the first 4 minutes, I was just standing there, confused not a clue what to do. I was so screwed! I was rushing, and losing my mind, knowing I'm so late. But then my mom said that she would drive me to the train station, THANK GOD. Because I knew that the next bus that would come might be too late. So we rushed in the car, and we were almost there..but I saw the clock in the car say 7:00...my train had left..But I thanked my mom, got out of the car, got into the station..and realized that there were two trains there... MY TRAIN DIDN'T LEAVE YET! I slid my card in the machine and bolted through the turnstyle and ran into the train just in time. In moments, I heard "Stand clear of the closing door please" and I made my way into the first car where I found Sam. The clock in my car was 2 minutes fast!! It was actually 6:58, (exactly when the train leaves). I got on in time! hahaha.

Anyway, later on, afterschool, I was supposed to meet Lisa, Sam, and Karolina to go the mall..because they didn't want to go the school Pep Rally afterschool (which I wanted to go to). I waited for them for like ever to go to the mall..they went to the f**king pep rally.

What a lovely week, eh?

I hated school as a teenager and maybe even before that. The institutionalization of my intellect. The fascist policing of my imagination. The "marginalization" of my individuality. The co-opting of my identity.

I cringe when I read writers like Victor Davis Hanson denounce public education. In his article, "Back to School Blues," he condemns the current public education system because his cashier has difficulty counting out his change and another has problems explaining a warranty. I cringe because I am afraid when Victor speaks about the quality "liberal education" his grandfather received, he is talking about a segregated classroom of Whites only. Consider the years his grandfather was in high school and the years before that.

I cringe because in Victor Hanson's day and in his grandfather's day very clear and always very detrimental distinctions were drawn between race, class, and culture. I cringe because while I disagree with Victor, I cannot totally agree with Dennis. I agree data can be easily twisted and manipulated to perpetuate a negative stereotype of public education. I disagree with the use of test scores as a valid way of judging schools and students successes.

In his post, "Philosophy of Education," Greg Cruey provides an interesting pondering of the role or meaning of school in society. I think he touched upon an important but often ignored issues when he wrote that

The purposes of education are multiple and interwoven. Those purposes change with age, environment, and the peculiarities of individual students so that even within a specific classroom the primary purpose of schooling for this child may be one thing and the primary purpose for that child may be yet another.

I like the idea of education being an "organic entity" that can "change with age" and evolve to meet the needs of the 21st Century. I like the idea because it is the core principle of teaching - process. Teaching is a process. Tests are products that should help assess and discipline the process but they should never be considered the goal of the learning process.

Greg writes another post where he considers his students' "understanding" of the subjects he teaches. He ponders their futures and the result of an overemphasis on "work" skills.

When I reacted to the Bridging Differences discussion on mandatory schooling, I came across a post written by Eduwonkette that paraphrased historian David Labaree’s vision of schools:

1. to prepare children for their place in the economy
2. to achieve democratic equality
3. to nurture social mobility

Inspired by Greg's train of thought, where are the students in this vision? Specifically where do the students who are "daydreamers" fit in this hierarchical vision? As someone who didn't "apply" himself or "daydreamed" in class, where do I fit - did I fit into the vision? More importantly, where will my children fit into the vision? I already recognize that faraway look my eldest gets sometimes and my youngest cannot sit still. In those aspects they have inherited my problematic DNA.

Or is the estrangement of school from any personal relevance simply a fact of life? As school becomes more about creating "people products" (slavish skilled drones who will perform their assigned tasks without question), instead of "people processes" (engaged workers who find fulfillment in the pursuit of creative solutions to problematic situations).

There is a long history of student disdain for school. Look at pop culture and the music we've grown up with. Wikipedia has an article listing songs involving school. Some just mention school. Others denounce it.

How many songs do you remember spouting the evils of school?

[Originally posted at Blog for Cranial Gunk]

I hated school as a teenager and maybe even before that. The institutionalization of my intellect. The fascist policing of my imagination. The "marginalization" of my individuality. The co-opting of my identity.

I cringe when I read writers like Victor Davis Hanson denounce public education. In his article, "Back to School Blues," he condemns the current public education system because his cashier has difficulty counting out his change and another has problems explaining a warranty. I cringe because I am afraid when Victor speaks about the quality "liberal education" his grandfather received, he is talking about a segregated classroom of Whites only. Consider the years his grandfather was in high school and the years before that.

I cringe because in Victor Hanson's day and in his grandfather's day very clear and always very detrimental distinctions were drawn between race, class, and culture. I cringe because while I disagree with Victor, I cannot totally agree with Dennis. I agree data can be easily twisted and manipulated to perpetuate a negative stereotype of public education. I disagree with the use of test scores as a valid way of judging schools and students successes.

In his post, "Philosophy of Education," Greg Cruey provides an interesting pondering of the role or meaning of school in society. I think he touched upon an important but often ignored issues when he wrote that

The purposes of education are multiple and interwoven. Those purposes change with age, environment, and the peculiarities of individual students so that even within a specific classroom the primary purpose of schooling for this child may be one thing and the primary purpose for that child may be yet another.  

I like the idea of education being an "organic entity" that can "change with age" and evolve to meet the needs of the 21st Century. I like the idea because it is the core principle of teaching - process. Teaching is a process. Tests are products that should help assess and discipline the process but they should never be considered the goal of the learning process.

Greg writes another post where he considers his students' "understanding" of the subjects he teaches. He ponders their futures and the result of an overemphasis on "work" skills.

When I reacted to the Bridging Differences discussion on mandatory schooling, I came across a post written by Eduwonkette that paraphrased historian David Labaree’s vision of schools:

1. to prepare children for their place in the economy
2. to achieve democratic equality
3. to nurture social mobility

Inspired by Greg's train of thought, where are the students in this vision? Specifically where do the students who are "daydreamers" fit in this hierarchical vision? As someone who didn't "apply" himself or "daydreamed" in class, where do I fit - did I fit into the vision? More importantly, where will my children fit into the vision? I already recognize that faraway look my eldest gets sometimes and my youngest cannot sit still. In those aspects they have inherited my problematic DNA.

Or is the estrangement of school from any personal relevance simply a fact of life? As school becomes more about creating "people products" (slavish skilled drones who will perform their assigned tasks without question), instead of "people processes" (engaged workers who find fulfillment in the pursuit of creative solutions to problematic situations).

There is a long history of student disdain for school. Look at pop culture and the music we've grown up with. Wikipedia has an article listing songs involving school. Some just mention school. Others denounce it.

How many songs do you remember spouting the evils of school?

I want to be inspired by something. I want to experience something new but also learn about myself and discover my true self. I want something different; I'm just not sure what.

-Shwee