When I first heard what had happened, I went into absolute shock and I began grieving.  I couldn't understand how he could do such a thing - especially as a pastor and a follower of Christ.  And how could he lie like that to his wife and to his parents? However, I resisted the urge to blog about it and tell everyone until I heard the full story.

Here is the full story and statement of confession.

Here is also an exclusive interview (video) where Guglielmucci came out and made a public statement,

After hearing this story, there are a few responses that we can have.

1. Get angry and bitter towards Christianity and the Church.
2. Be confused and wonder how anyone could ever deceive others so well - especially one's family.
3. Grieve over what sin can do in one's life, and begin to pray more ferverently over church leaders and pastors.

If we choose the first response, and many already have, I believe that we will be basing our decision on false assumptions and preconceived notions.  Guglielmucci is a human being - what he did does not represent how a Christian should be or what Christianity is all about.  Jesus Christ came to set people free from sin and religion.  Faith is freedom.  Obviously, as a Christian leader, Guglielmucci should have been a representation of who Jesus Christ is - it's just really sad to see what sin can do in one's life (See third response below).

If we resonate with the second response and find ourselves confused as to how any human being could do something like this, here is my response: the human mind is a powerful thing.  During his 2 year fake terminal cancer diagnosis, the one thing that remained true was the fact that he would often vomit day after day and that his hair would even fall out in clumps.  If you aren't actually sick, how could that happen? Especially if you're not inducing your own vomit and pulling out your own hair?  My answer?  I believe we can convince ourselves so much that something is true, that our lie becomes reality.

For those who choose the third response and are grieving over what sin can do in one's life, I believe you understand what it says in James 1:13-15,

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each of you is tempted when you are dragged away by your own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full–grown, gives birth to death.

The fact is that there is a spiritual battle going on around us right now, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Ephesians 6:12).  As a result, does it not make sense that the evil one wants to target individuals with influence?  For example, pastors, church leaders, politicians, etc?

Let's pray for our pastors and our church leaders and protect them with prayer, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
(James 5:16).

I believe that Mike Guglielmucci has confessed his sins, and I pray that God sets him free from the bondage of pornography.  I pray that he does not just stop at confession, but that he repents and begins to live a life of freedom - embracing the freedom that Jesus Christ offers everyone.

Regarding the sauerkraut, according to what I've read in the Candida support group the brand of sauerkraut I got, Bubbies, it isn't as "good" as home made - naturally fermented - because it is cooked even though they advertise it as "naturally fermented".. someone wrote the company and they admitted it.. I guess.. I'm not sure. Regardless, I figure it's better than nothing and it could be a good thing if it's not full strength - this is still a transition.

Normally, also.. introducing probiotics is the final step of being on the full plan. By the time I get to that, I'm planning to have Cabbage Rejuvalac as well. Right now, however, the sauerkraut will

1. start introducing good bacteria and
2. serve as an enzyme to aid digestion.

I'm going to pulverize it before I eat it and start with about a tablespoon with each of my meals beginning tomorrow. Bubbies is good stuff.

Looks like I got off on a tangent there..  anyway.

From hereon (in this post and the program) I'd like to add a positive vibe of ease to every aspect of what I'm doing..  which is seeing each challenge whether it's not liking a certain food or craving something I "shouldn't" have or if I don't want to get up really early..  I have to

• look at everything no matter how small as progress towards health.
• It's also to believe that I am healing and be grateful for it.
• It's about being happy, relaxed and at ease myself.. breathing, laughing, smiling.. knowing that I have the power to do whatever I desire.

On that note, it's time to get really clear on what I desire - Super/Ultra/Optimal Health and what is it exactly (note: I'm not going to mention what it isn't.. I did that earlier today.. this is only about what it IS)

• Developing a keen body awareness or consciousness that includes breathing and relaxing as well as the ability to detect what my body is telling me it wants or needs. It could be food or movement or a good cry or sleep. I honor and respect this relationship.

Assuming this is true..

1. The result will be to feel good, energized, limber, well conditioned and strong.
2. The physical image result will be a healthy, well proportioned, balanced body.. one that I will feel confident enough to wear whatever I want or nothing at all.
3. I'll be ready to move on to the next phase of my life. The grown up one that includes settling down and starting a family. I've always believed that when I've achieved some semblance of balance in a few different areas of my life (including health) then I'll be ready to be open and grounded enough to take it to the next level by letting someone else in.

I think that's pretty much all of it with the emphasis on simply feeling good. If I think of something else I'll edit, but for now this is enough. I'm going to post these right above my daily schedule that's post in places where I'll see a few times a day. It'll serve as a positive reminder.

The last thing I wanted to include in this post are a few "before" pics taken today along with my thoughts.

Ugh.. the moment of truth. Yeah.. so there I am. Offical "before"..  usually never very flattering but effective none-the-less.

Overall.. my lower half is.. well, someone once said my legs looked they belong to a football player.. HA! Yeah, I agree. Their banged up with scars and cellulite.. and very little hair. Thankfully I don't have to shave them. All my excess has been conveniently stored right there in my upper thighs (saddle bags) and bum thanks to many years of sitting on it. That's about as much neutrality as I can think to say about my body.

Extreme close-up (when you click on the pic for the large view) and an attempt at a smile. The first is to show the quailty of the surface of my skin even though it is very low resolution. I think of skin as one of the best outer indicators of inside health. Mine is much better since I stopped using skin care products and can also be improved with better diet, less stress, etc. I don't wear much makeup.. just a little eyeliner. I prefer to go natural and am looking to naturally enhance what I have. The second is a tired, semi smart-ass smile. Mainly I just wanted to show my hair in this one cause part of the 'make over' is to cut is all off. As much as I love it, I've always had it this way and the change could be nice.

This is what Jilla taught me!

She said, "Always look for the one percent of light even in the worst PERPETRATOR, because it is THERE!" -- it is THERE! And so I have used the Yin and Yang symbol above to show you this. See how even in the most "Light" side --there is a black dot? -- imagine that as an "EGG" who is really a good person -- but in a certain circumstance, might steal something from someone -- to feed a hungry child! -- Everyone has that black dot inside them! They do!

On the dark side of the symbol above, imagine an "EGG" that has been so broken, so abused, so hurt, so mistreated that there is only bleakness and despair inside. See that WHITE DOT? That DOT OF LIGHT is inside of EVERYONE! EVERYONE ON THIS PLANET! --- the CURE begins with finding that dot, and, loving it. The THERAPEUTIC cure begins like that. So, do you recall my experience in that REHAB we were talking about?

You can think of those MEN's SOULS like the dark side of the symbol above. THEY HAVE BEEN HURT SO BADLY, and NEVER HAD any GOOD given to them in their lives. They may have had childhoods most of us cannot even imagine. We could not imagine a world that BAD, because we had lucky lives and GOOD ENOUGH MOTHERS! It's as simple as that! -- the work in THERAPY is about "re-parenting" the person! Using a holistic and Object Relations model. It works every time! Because it starts with LOVE. LOVE rebuilds the DAMAGE done to any SOUL. What happens, is that, that little dot of white starts to EXPAND!

Now, the memories of the BAD THINGS are never really going to go AWAY -- BUT! The NEW MOTHERING is going to PATCH UP all the holes in the SWISS CHEESE we talked about. Remember, how we used a piece of swiss cheese to show an example of a baby? And some babies were coming out riddled with holes just like in that cheese? Well, a THERAPIST's JOB is to help the client start filling up all those empty holes.

That's what we do. That's the whole MYSTERY. So, you don't ever have to be afraid of THERAPISTS, anymore.

Somebody behind the scenes around here asked the question "I think I might be a narcissist how can I get help" -- well, the way that you find a THERAPIST for yourself is by asking people for a referral. Maybe a friend of yours had a good experience with one, and they can tell you about a special person.

Another way, is to try seeing a few different people, yourself. Maybe you will like one of them the BEST! -- that is what we call "A GOOD FIT" -- and, that is the most important THING! That YOU feel comfortable with the PERSON you pick! -- THERAPISTS have RULES they follow. It's an ETHICAL CODE. ANYBODY who isn't following that code is not going to be good for YOU, so here is place where you can learn about stuff over at GOOD THERAPY.ORG. You can read articles there, and you can also read the ETHICAL CODES! For yourself!

No matter what has happened in a person's life story -- each SOUL on this PLANET has that white DOT inside it! NEVER FORGET THAT!

Our lives are made up by a series of experiences and all the different people we meet along the way. So, even if a child didn't get "Good Enough Mothering" at home, maybe one of their friend's mothers or a really good teacher filled in for some of that, along the way! PEOPLE ARE RESILIENT! People can survive the most terrible things in the world, things most of us cannot even imagine, and that LITTLE WHITE DOT is their RESILIENCE!

I have this really great writer friend named Bud White who survived something so awful when he was a little kid, and his SOUL IS SO STRONG, he is like a HERO to me. So is JOHN McCAIN! -- remember that EGO STRENGTH we were talking about a few pages back? THESE TWO have so much of that, they are like these HUGE ELEPHANTS! That strong! This friend of mine had this really beautiful film up, and I want to play it for you, over here at my place! Because, I want you to think about that white dot as having an elephant's heart inside it -- something that big, and that strong, and that good inside of you. You know what is in that WHITE DOT?

YOUR HEART!

At the end of this movie, you are going to see THAT WHITE DOT!

This is one of the BEST, MOST FANTASTIC books I ever read! About Childhood! The best man wrote it, and it will explain things in such a simple and beautiful way about what can go right and wrong...

One thing that is of very great concern to me right now is the amount of pills people are taking that they might not really have needed in the first place. At my third and longest placement as a therapist intern we had a psychiatrist as our Clinical Supervisor. She told us a story about a two year old that she was putting on {PROZ-AC.} I had a hard time believing that myself, but?

I didn't like that.

Because I feel that person-to-person treatment is the cure! If a person is ingesting a substance they aren't going to be in touch with their feeling and sensate sides. In fact, they will be NUMB in those areas. So, I want you to think now, about the SELF as an "EGG" like we talked about for a minute. If you took away the feeling and sensate parts of the EGG, you would be taking out the YOLK! -- the yellow heart of the egg! -- in other words the SOUL of the EGG! -- because its HEART and its FEELINGS wouldn't be there!

One time I heard the man that wrote this book speak, and he was so great. This is one of the best BOOKS on this subject. The man Kipnis that wrote it had a theory about BOYS being given medications on purpose so that they could FIT in the classroom and not cause disturbances. Well, if you are a therapist like me -- you know "BOYS WILL BE BOYS" -- and they should be! They have a TON of ENERGY to BURN OFF and usually this is done in SPORTS! Or getting in fights, or? Maybe they are going to be like Huckleberry Finn!

One of the best things I like about John McCain is his ETHICAL STANCE about things, because it is just like mine! Plus, we both went to school in a time when the only pill a little kid took was an aspirin! It wasn't that long ago, actually...

I'll be talking more about Kipnis tomorrow-- but this article, that I haven't even had time to read all the way-- deeply troubles me this morning. I got it from the Los Angeles Times. I want to know about the PORKinPHARMA because, I think it's really important to see which people are involved with getting money behind the scenes for promoting things like the psychiatrist above. I want to know if a monster has been created in an UNETHICAL WAY that perhaps was unintentional? For profit at the EXPENSE OF ALL THOSE LITTLE YOLKS. If so, MY MAN McCAIN will be taking care of it. I have nothing nothing but faith in a man like John McCain.  It's because of his HEART, and his SOUL.

Drug makers seek shield from lawsuits

I thought it about time you meet all us ladies that write on this blog.We all live in Dianes head. I'll introduce you to a few of us. 

Theres the writer

Oh ! She's so sweet, so kind, so giving and accomodating. She's in denial a bit about her writing abalities,shes probably a great poet but won't admit it, She never gets the time to do her own stuff anyway as we all demand that she writes about us. We have her writing all day, we make her write everything down,from profound to nonesense, shes like a secetary for us all.She gets tired but knows she has to oblige.As long as she gets her coffee and cigarettes she can easily follow us all. We put a lot of pressure on the writer and don't let her rest, thats why we feed her with so much coffee and cigarettes.

Theres the therapist - (We call her the rapist)

She trys to tell us stuff all the time, every waking hour, what to feel, how to think, what to think, how to feel, shes very controlling with us. Its such a shame for her as shes stuck in the trying to work stuff out syndrome all the time. She never manages to work it out though and puts it on us. She's stuck in the working of it, shes never quiet got the out bit right. She sits in the middle of the head,like shes in charge, she tries to rule us all and bombards us with unnecessary information. All day she witters on, she never lets up. Shes very tight. I fucking don't think shes ever been happy herself. She wants to practice what she preaches.We are very obliging to her though.We sit and listen and let her talk. The writer gets sick of her.You see shes very selfish, she demands some much from the writer and somedays us lot don't get a look in.The theraspist is very demanding.

Theres the Fairy.

Shes very naughty and gets us all into trouble alot.She kinda hasn't got a worry in the world, especially around the consquences to her actions.In her world there are no consquences, because everything comes from a place of love and care, she always wants us to live in her world. She plays with magic and shares a lot of things that have been given to her- shared with her in a real magic fairy way. We laugh at her sometimes,shes not bothered though. She kinda likes it, thats how naughty she is but in a real not to naughty way. The more we laugh the more fairy she becomes.You'll often she her in the corner of the head. We stand her in the corner a lot, little do we know that she loves it in the corner, thats where she works out how to use her magic. She sometimes gets it wrong. Shes gets mixed up all the time, she loves the mix ups.The angel spends a lot of her time with the fairy. The angel tries so hard with the fairy. She has to as the fairy as been trusted. The fairy has direct contact with the angel. We don't.

Theres the addict.

Shes extremely wonderful but she won't believe it, doesn't believe yes ! she is adorable.The addict has had life experiences in real conflicting fashions.Shes lived differently to us, shes felt a different pain and unfortunaly she feels if for all. She's very strong but won't feel her own strength for herself, she gives her strength to people who need it,she chooses to do this.The therapist is always talking to the addict.The therapist drives the addict crazy.Sometimes we feel the therapist is controlling her.She can be very vunerable and very gullabule in a not so naive way.We all love the addict,The addict relys on the writer. The addict and the writer are great freinds. They speak alot. They laugh a lot. They share so much. The addict loves the writer.

Then !!

Theres Diane.
Shes the body of the head that we all take refuge in. Hehe!! That we take over. We all feel for her because she has 'US ALL' all day. We never give her a rest. She has to take everything. Its unfortunate as shes as to body us. She has to carry us around all day. Diane is the day dreamer, she dreams the dreams for us all, she wishes the wishes, she believes the befiefs, she transfers her love that gives us direction, she carrys the care and directs genoristy. Sush !! Don't ever tell her that she does this, she doesn't know yet, she makes it all work. 

Love
Di X

Ps. I'm Marina Breeze, Diane's altered ego.

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I first visited this old site with the holy wells writer Edna Whelan sometime in the early 1980s, when we went in search of the sacred spring of water known as the 'Altar Well,' shown on early maps to be just a short distance beneath the small cliffs called the Druid's Altar.  We didn't find it!  Another visit with Graeme Chappell and Edna (again) sometime later also proved fruitless - but something else was found which we didn't know about on our first sojourn: the Druid's Well, or more accurately the Druid's Spring. (no stone trough y' see)  Not far from the spot that the Altar Well could once be seen, this beautiful spring of sweet water emerges beneath the rich lichen-encructed boulder, painted with dappled mosses and an overhang of vivid ferns.  Tis a fine oracular site, if ever there was one!

The waters run slowly from beneath the great old rock, upon which grows a fine specimen of a birch tree - a truly old thing!  And if there was ever any truth about this regions association with the druids, one of their most important sacraments grows profusely here when the season is right: no, not mistletoe (though it can be found sparingly upon the old oaks), but a wealth of the sacred Amanita muscaria, to whose spirit visionary journeys were bestowed.

The name of the woodlands in which our Druid's Spring emerges, the Hollin Wood, might also have had some associative relationship with this well, or the Altar above (modern maps call it the Hollin Plantation, as much of the old woods have been felled and copsed by modern man).  Place-name texts ascribe this to be the 'woodland of holly trees', but during our wander through the woods a few weeks ago (when we got the photos of the Druid's Well) holly trees were not common.  It may be that the Hollin Wood originally derived from 'holy wood', as this old well and the Druid's Altar above would have surely made the site sacred to the druids.  Just a thought.  We will probably never know (if someone finds out for sure, one way or t'other, lemme know and I'll amend where necessary!).

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="160" caption="Reflexology how feet help to heal"][/caption]

Reflexology explained:

Louise Keet - who is the Principal of the London School of Reflexology and Britain's leading reflexology practitioner - gives a step-by-step guide to reflexology.

Reflexology is a complementary therapy that is now available on the NHS. Although best administered by professionals, there are simple ways you can use this effective technique at home on members of your family - whatever their age.

FULL ARTICLE:
Reflexology: how your feet help you to heal!

What is reflexology? With its roots believed to date from ancient Egypt, reflexology is the technique of applying gentle pressure to reflex areas on the feet or hands to bring about a state of deep relaxation and to stimulate the body's own healing processes. It is a safe, natural therapy for all ages that can boost energy, help the immune system and create a stronger body and calmer mind. Did you know that when you apply reflexology, you stimulate 7,000 nerves in the feet? How does it work? The theory underlying reflexology is that the organs, the nerves, glands and other parts of the body are connected to reflex points on the feet and hands. These areas are found on the soles of the feet and palms of the hands, as well as on the top and sides of the feet and hands. By stimulating these areas using a compression technique and a form of massage with your thumbs, fingers and hands, you can create a direct response in a related body area. For example, by working on the head reflex (which is found on the big toe) you can activate the body's own healing processes to help alleviate headaches. The right foot and hands represent the right side of the body, while the left foot and hand represent the left side. The feet are most commonly worked on because practitioners feel they are normally more responsive to treatment than hands. As they contain a larger treatment area, the reflex points are easier to identify and the feet are more sensitive to treatment because they are usually covered by shoes. What doesn't it do? Reflexology is not a therapy used to diagnose illness. It is not a medical treatment and does not cure - only the body can do that. Instead it facilitates healing within the body. Get in the zone Zone therapy is the foundation of modern reflexology, whereby reflexologists apply pressure to, or massage-specific areas of the feet or hands stimulating circulation and nerve impulses to promote healing throughout the zones of the body. The body is divided into ten longitudinal zones that provide a simple numbering sequence. Each toe falls into one zone and there are five zones in each foot - see diagram. Zones are distributed up the body like slices, and when you work on the feet you are automatically working through the whole body. Within these zones, energy runs up and down between all parts of the body. This energy connection should be free-flowing so that all parts of the body - organs, muscles, nerves, glands and blood supply - work in harmony and at the the optimum level for good health. If there is a block of the body's energy, it will have an effect on any organ or part of the body within that particular zone. If a reflexologist finds sensitivity in one spot of the feet or hands, this indicates an imbalance in the entire length of that zone. Reflexology and foot circulation Stress, tension, poor posture and badly fitting shoes all restrict blood flow, creating a sluggish circulatory and lymphatic system. This could mean an infection such as athlete's foot or a foot or a leg ulcer may take weeks to clear. When blood flow or lymphatic circulation is poor, it is hard for oxygen-rich blood, nutrients and white blood cells to reach various areas of the foot to fight infection, digest germs and remove toxins. Regular reflexology can help to develop healthy feet as well as improve overall body circulation. Reflexology and the skeleton It can help the distribution and absorption of Vitamin D and minerals into the bones, to promote a healthy skeleton. It can also ease aching joints associated with arthritis, improving mobility and helping to heal fractures. The Reflexology Bible by Louise Keet is published by Hamlyn, rrp £12.99. To order your copy at the special price of £12.99 with free p&p call The Review Bookstore on 08451550711. For a list of NHS complementary practitioners in your area go to: www.nhsdirectory.org.

]]> http://eljee.wordpress.com/?p=92 Sun, 07 Sep 2008 18:16:07 +0000 allergi http://eljee.wordpress.com/?p=92 Rather dramatic title I think. 

I feel...I feel so many things at the moment.  I feel I've been out wandering the fields and have finally come to a rock to sit on and rest for a while.  Like I've been holding my breath for so long and suddenly, I can breathe.

Its been a few weeks since he and I have been talking and hanging out and just being 'friends'.  I use the term loosely as there are so many shades of meaning in that word.  For me, with my heart still very much in love with him, I had a hell of a time trying to accept that I was 'just' something to him.  This man once told me that I was his dream girl, that I was one of the most amazing things happening in his life; that he was so in love that he was scared...since all those feelings have died off (or been subdued - whatever his reasons) I don't think he could ever see me in a purely platonic way.

I know that I can't.  He and I have history and at one point, had an incredible connection.  This is a man that I admire and at one point felt that I could place my heart in his safe keeping.  To go from that level to being 'just' friends, 'just' mates...'just' someone.  To me, he'll never be 'just' a friend as we had shared some crazy chemistry between us.  When I see him, my heart still skips a beat.  Whenever he left messages on msn I'd smile.  When we part ways after meeting up I do everything to keep myself from throwing my arms around him. 

I'm not ready to let go of the past and treat him like something ordinary because he's not.  I chose to be with him, and he will always be someone special to me.  I don't think our friendship would ever be clear cut.  There are lingering memories and moments that only we know and to just leave all that behind...

Going back to being ordinary...I think that's what really, really hurts. I'm not ready to be 'just' anyone in his life. 

He says he'd not sure why he misses me.  I'm not sure either.  Only he can answer that as I'm tired of trying to wait and see if he still loves me.  It was silly on my part to wait out and think that keeping a good friendship would be a good basis for a future relationship.  Makes sense, yet, I'm not one to be kept on standby while he looks for other options.  It's not what he's intending, at the moment, but if there is something that i know about him is that if he wants something, he'll go for it.  I figured since he's not sure about me, waiting around and being friends may not help him (or me) make sense of our emotions.

He's got things to sort out in his life and I guess the timing for our relationship is off.  Well, off on his terms.  Should I wait around and be there for him?  I thought about this for a while and I found the more I stuck around, the more I hoped that one day he'd realise just how much I meant to him.  And the more I thought of that, the more uncomfortable I felt giving him all the choice in the matter.  I let him in once, and he (for whatever the reason) was unhappy with the relationship we had.  So he went, and left me in pieces (tho he'll never know how dark that place was for me).  By being his friend, I'd keep giving him the power to choose how much he valued me and from that decide.

I didn't want that for me.  Or my heart.  If he didn't love me enough before to stay, what would waiting around accomplish for me?  Or to put it another way, I needed a reason to stay with him.  At this point, he wants me as his friend and wants me in his life but I don't know if I could allow myself to be vunerable to him again.  Even as a 'friend' there are things I'd tell him that I don't tell others because I trust him.  How can I keep giving him my trust when I know I'm just opening up my heart to him not knowing what he'll do to it.

And so, I said goodbye.

I cried when I replied to his email.  For many reasons.  More because I'm feeling this loss, again.  And more so because this time it is for good.  Should our paths cross again, or should he wish to give us a second chance - those are decisions that are up to him to decide.  As much as it is for me to decide whether to give his man a second chance after everything that has gone on between us.  I knew that my own self respect couldn't handle being treated as an 'ordinary' friend while I'm still in love with him. 

Maybe I'm looking for someone who will value me as much as I value myself.  God only knows how much he meant to me, and how much it took to finally leave him. 

I miss him.  I will probably continue to miss him for a while.  He's never far away in my thoughts.  I will still grieve for the loss of my dearest.  I used to write him letters that I'll never send about everything (the good and the bad) that I think and feel, I guess as a way to keep connected to him in some way.  But now, for me, I think its time to accept my loss. 

Its different this time.  I believe that he certainly still cares for me in some way, but not in the way I would like him to.  I can't force him (or anyone) to love me.  They do or they don't.  Or maybe I'm thinking that he's had his chance and it's time to leave him alone for good.

So for now, emotionally, I'm feeling ok.  In a strange way I feel at peace with this decision.  I may not in a few days time when I miss him even more, but for now, this is the right thing for me. 

On the surface, this may seem like the easiest step there is. All you have to do is recognize your situation accurately and acknowledge it. That’s simple, right?

In one sense, it is the easiest step but, for more people than not, it’s by far the most difficult. It’s because you have to “admit” you’re not OK the way you are; you need help. This is very difficult for many people.

For them, it takes a long time and a great deal of heartache to be willing to seek help, but that’s what’s required. You have to admit you are not OK and will not be OK without outside help.

Step 1 is all about denial, which by the way is not a river in Egypt. Denial is telling yourself you have everything under control when you clearly do not. It’s an inability to look at your life and say, “How did I allow myself to get like this?” Those in denial say, “I’m fine. I’m OK the way I am.”

Additionally, for those who need to recover from religious abuse, it’s harder to admit “the truth” than it is for others to admit being an alcoholic or a drug addict. You don’t get put in jail because of religious abuse, and there’s no “field sobriety test” for it, which makes denial much easier.

The devastation from religious abuse is primarily internal—in your heart and in your soul, where the destruction manifests itself in negative emotions and attitudes like bitterness, anger, revenge, and hate. Unlike the effects of alcoholism, you don’t develop cirrhosis of the liver—just hard-heartedness, which can be equally devastating.

That’s why it’s so hard for some to admit their life is shipwrecked. You can’t see the destruction from the outside—from looking in the mirror. But it’s there, isn’t it? In moments of candor, you know you’re not where you want to be, don’t you? Your life lacks peace and purpose.

That’s what Step 1 is all about—changing your internal perspective. Instead of denial, you have to develop a state of mind that acknowledges reality, and you have to maintain this perspective throughout the process. It will do you no good to admit you need help one day and change your mind the next. To recover, you have to work the eleven steps as vigorously as an alcoholic works at maintaining sobriety.

If you’re ready to admit you have a problem—a serious problem, then you’re ready to begin.

All the more reason to practice yoga, Tai chi, and meditation and try to reduce the sources of stress in our lives! I must always add, of course, that if one is ill, it is important to recognize that certain diseases are simply beyond our control, and NOT to feel a sense of "failure" about somehow having the "wrong" state of mind. At the same time, there is always hope and the possibility of becoming whole, and living fully in every moment. Here is the excerpt:

The brain and the immune system continuously signal each other, often along the same pathways, which may explain how state of mind influences health The belief that the mind plays an important role in physical illness goes back to the earliest days of medicine. From the time of the ancient Greeks to the beginning of the 20th century, it was generally accepted by both physician and patient that the mind can affect the course of illness, and it seemed natural to apply this concept in medical treatments of disease. After the discovery of antibiotics, a new assumption arose that treatment of infectious or inflammatory disease requires only the elimination of the foreign organism or agent that triggers the illness. In the rush to discover antibiotics and drugs that cure specific infections and diseases, the fact that the body's own responses can influence susceptibility to disease and its course was largely ignored by medical researchers.

That got better, though, and I started wanting to go to bed at a normal time. This was actually a nice first for me - going to bed at 10pm. I was happy about that and it makes getting up for work a whole heck of a lot easier! New concept.

This past week I've found myself back with the disturbing memories. Lat night was the worst so far. This whole weekned has been pretty rough. I feel like I get through the work week and then crash on the weekends.  

Last night as I rested on the floor in a supported backbend I started having memories of being in the hospital. I felt like I was lying in the same room at UH when we had the biophysical profile. In this room, the doctor told me, "There is nothing we can do - your baby's growth has been compromised and restricted." In this memory, I could see myself lying there, the gigantic screen showing my baby all curled up in a little ball, barely doing anything. The doctor even nudged my belly a bunch w/ the ultrasound thing to try and get her to move and she didn't. I remember the doctor saying, "Come on baby!" as if she was sad and frustrated too. She was curled up in a little ball, barely moving. Her heart beating. It was horrible! It was so horrible seeing her like that. I get this gag/sick throw-up feeling in my mouth when that memory comes.  

Just a few weeks before the biophysical profile at UH - just a few weeks before getting sick and being put in the hospital - we had a regular ultrasound and our baby was amazing. She was swimming all over, and moving all around - waving her hand and opening her little fingers. She was so vibrant. The memory of this came with the memory of the bad ultrasound. The memories are all jumbbled up; the happy ones and the sad ones, the horrible things that happened to me and the fun parts of being pregnant. I don't understand how or why my brain is so screwed-up. We remember really gross and horrible things like when she came out of me in a little balled up lump and I remember when I felt her kicking me. I feel sick about it. Like life and death for me are both wrapped up in one little neat package of my baby. I'm a mess about it.     

When the memories come, it is as if a really bad movie is playing in my head and I'm the main character. I'd like to turn the movie off, but it keeps playing whenever I close my eyes.  

So as I'm lying there in the supported pose, my breathing became really very heavy. I rolled over onto my side and started crying really hard. The memory wouldn't stop. I've had memories before and I've been practicing telling myself that we're safe now, that isn't happening now and that we're OK now.  Last night, though, the memories were SO HUGE - I was crying so hard.  

I felt that urge to run again. I have that when I'm really upset - like I want to run away as fast as I can - I need to get away. When Fiona first died I had a few episodes of sprinting. I booked from the car once, from a restaurant once, I ran away from my husband in the rain once and a few times on my bicycle. I hadn't had that urge to run since June and early July.

I didn't run last night. During the memory, I saw myself lying on the table in the hospital and I remember feeling paralyzed then. I just laid there. That's actually what I did for a few weeks on bedrest. I was paralyzed by everything. There wasn't anything I could do and so I laid there hoping it would somehow help. My legs and body and everything was hurting me so much from lying in bed so much, but I just did it. My blood pressure was so sensitive to little movements then. Paralysis.

At the biophysical profile they told us that our baby would die. I wanted to scream. I wanted to kick and crash things and throw stuff and yell and swear and punch. Instead I just laid there, motionless, doing nothing. I don't even know if I crie that much as my husband wheeled me back up to my hospital room.

When I was crying really hard last night, curled up in my own little ball I pressed my feet against the wall, sort of bracing myself. I felt this big rage filling me and I wanted to push against something. I had a feeling like I wanted to kick and thrash about, but I just pushed my feet against the wall.

My husband was with me - he was just present. He comes to be with me. He knows that obviously I need to get it out so he doesn't try to help me feel "better" by soothing or telling me not to cry. He just comes to be with.

After a while of the crying and bracing myself I threw the blanket off of me, quickly got up, went out the back door and I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER in the backyard. After this BIG scream, I sat on the hose hideaway, hugged my knees into my chest and cried some more. It was raining. I never mind the rain. I almost feel like the rain brings the tears and cries out of me and helps wash me and my sorrows. It rained a lot in June after she died. The rain is OK for me.   

I have counseling on Tuesday and my first accupuncture appointment the following week. My period should arrive any day now. Fiona's due date was September 23. I just hope and pray that I make it through the next couple weeks without winding up in a mental institution. The books say grief can feel like insanity. I do my best to take comfort in that in the times of grief when I honestly feel just plain crazy. Nutso.  

Earlier this week I had these really beautiful sensations while I was meditating. They were kind of out there but still very cool. I had this feeling like now that the energy of Fiona's soul was released from the physical limitations of her body she is an even more powerful force in The Universe. It made sense to me, sort of like a Supernova; the death of a star actually brings more energy and creates new stars. It was so beautiful the things that came to me earlier this week. I've had some gorgeous visualizations in the past couple weeks and I've talked to her a little bit. At times, I feel comforted in my sorrow.

At times, like last night, I feel hysterical and insane in my sorrow.

This was different because there was no solution, just pain. The only solution was to accept the pain and forgive. This was going to be hard, still is hard but I am on the road now.

The first step was to take control of my life again by telling people how I felt and what they did to me made me feel bad. I was not prepared for the reaction to this. I told my mother that I was in pain and she was taking all my positivity away, her negativity was ruining my life and it had to stop. She had to realise I was not the person she thought I was and she had to accept some things. I sort of anticipated the outcome but hoped it would not of been so final. Currently she has lied to anyone that will listen telling them I am mentally ill, when all I said to her was “your unhappiness affects me at a metaphysical level, it upsets me so much because I love you” she then ended the call and said she felt sick. Since then she has done everything in her power to tell people I hate her and am a bad person. I am not angry, I am just sad that she felt that her only option to deal with things.

But now I am released, I cannot explain it. My energy has returned, I feel like me again, Dion Fortune would call these people “Psychic vampires” and I think that is what she has been doing to me.

During this time I felt like I was awaking from a dream. I felt things I had not felt in a very long time and I felt attuned to everything around me like I used to. It is hard to explain but I felt energy around me again. I had the power within me to make things better.

I looked at my husband while he was asleep and knew what he needed to make him better. This sounds like madness I know, it is! But I do feel and see it! My hands tingle and when I place them in an area that needs work sometimes it is like a lightning bolt through my hands. Sometimes my hands shake, sometimes they go on fire, other times go cold but most of the time they tingle. Watches have never worked on me and I get electric shocks everywhere I go. I have suffered with pins and needles in my hands and other hand problems for years, all this I believe is a consequence of me not using them correctly.

As I have tuned it to this feeling it has got stronger every day. I see peoples pain everywhere I go. I wish it was not their pain and was joy but unfortunately most people are unhappy with something or are unwell. But I also know I can fix it.

It does not make any sense to me and I am not sure what I can do with it but it seems a great shame to keep it all to myself.

author’s note:

A wise woman once told me, “As within, so without.”
 

AUTO-ENVIRONMENTALISM

The dog wandered around the post
until the chain nearly choked him

and a shocked monkey shook
on an electric grill
in a dream last night.

What generates such attack voltage?--

I need to know before
another dead animal
lands on my shoulder.

I have to work so hard
to resuscitate
these lost species.

But recently I brought back
a golden flower of five pointed petals
trapped beneath the blue ice.

Only I can perform such
delicate / open-heart / operations
on myself

by looking into the mirror of this pool.

Such self-involvement actually
performs an act of charity--

a current necessity
for the long-term survival
of the human animal.

© 2008, Michael R. Patton
dream steps
earnest audio

But first, a  Day 6 Recap

I had my cheat sub sandwich and ice cream cone yesterday afternoon and felt really bad afterward. The day was a roller coaster. I woke up, ran through my morning routine and was feeling at about 80%. At work I peaked at around 95% and felt very optimistic..  I ate my cheat meal and sank down to about 25%. My stomach was in knots, I felt flu-ish, stiff and tight.. as well very tired. Finally I took two Tylenol and laid down for about a hour and fell asleep for a little while. When I woke up I felt a lot better so I made some popcorn. Having another 'cheat' right after experience those effects makes very little sense to me, but it's what I was hungry for so I had it. So far it hasn't' come back to haunt me like the 'official cheat' did.

This experience naturally makes me feel like I should reconsider the 'cheat' and decide whether or not it's worth it. On one hand, it feels like I psychologically need it.. on the on other hand, I logically tell myself that the idea of a 'cheat' totally defeats the purpose, so why do it at all. Basically that line of reasoning discredits the psychology of it as an excuse not to boldly proceed.

It's exhausting. Battling this back and forth and in this case.. I'm going to just drop the issue (for now) and focus on today.

-------------------------

My Candida Overgrowth Symptoms compiled from this comprehensive list of symptoms is edited for the similarities, minus what doesn't apply.. plus the level it bothers me. 1 = a lot, 5 = not so much

1    * Cravings or addictions for sugar, bread, sweets and high glycemic vegetables like potatoes
1    * Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar)
1    * Digestive & Stomach problems - diarrhea, constipation, wet-incomplete-digestion, abdominal distention, bloating or pain, gas,  heartburn, indigestion, belching, pains, needle-like pains, food seems to sit in the stomach like a lump, etc.
1    * Hemorrhoids and rectal itching, rash, irritation and redness.
1    * Joint pain, stiffness or swelling (arthritis).
1     * Mind & Mood - anxiety attacks, crying spells, memory loss, feeling spaced out, depression, manic feelings, inability to concentrate, mood swings, irritability, Irritability, nervousness, jitteriness and panic attacks.
1    * Sleep - insomnia, waking up frequently, nightmares, restless sleep, etc.

2    * Hair loss, itchy scalp, scalp sores and dryness.
2    * Irregular heart beat.
2    * Sick all over feeling
2    * Skin - dryness, pimples, itching skin, contact dermatitis.

3    * Sore throat
3    * Fatigue - feeling of being drained of energy, lethargy, drowsiness.
3    * Flu-like symptoms.
3    * Glands - swollen, too little saliva (mouth dryness), blocked salivary glands, swollen lymph nodes.
3    * Muscle aches and pain, numbness, burning or tingling, and lack of strength and coordination.
3    * Female health problems - endometriosis (irregular or painful menstruation), cramps, menstrual irregularities, pre-menstrual syndrome (PMS), painful intercourse, loss of sexual drive.

4    * Fungal infections on the skin or nails.
4    * Nasal congestion, postnasal drip, itching, dryness.
4    * Ears - ringing in the ears (tinnitus), sounds in the ears, dryness, itchiness, ear pain

5    * Mouth sores or blisters, canker sores, dryness.
5    * Eyes - itching, excessive tearing
5    * Cold hands or feet, low body temperature.
5    * Cold-like symptoms - excessive mucus in the sinuses, nose, throat

This list pretty much covers all the symptoms I have experienced and would like to relieve in order to be optimally healthy. I can't ever remember a time in my life when I've felt this way. In terms of weight, which you'll notice isn't mentioned as being a symptom but is a result, I've struggled with it all my life - leaning towards to chubby to obese side of the coin.

In my teens I began very unhealthy fasting habit. At the time I didn't realize it was unhealthy nor fasting, I just knew the less I ate, the more I exercised.. the smaller I was. Looking back now, I see it as a form of anorexia that has likely evolved into a form of Orthorexia these days - as I've recently learned. (Btw, that article on Orthorexia on 20/20 was very biased. I realize they wanted to expose the worst of the condition - as yet another scare tactic I'm sure - but I feel it would have been more balanced if they showed a few examples of people who make being healthy work.

In my late teens, early 20's I hovered around a fairly healthy weight - always feeling I was still too chubby and needed to go on a diet.. while continuing to crave and eat unhealthy foods and follow popular diet trends.

Late 20's and early 30's I just let it all go.  It was like a war battling back and forth between the guilt of wanting to get healthy - yet not making any progress at it and in turn consistently settling on crap food more because even though it was/is the 'enemy' it's also been my best friend. A catch 22 situation that resulted in me gaining 100 lbs. 

In my mid-30's it all came to a head. I dropped 50 lbs without even trying.. well I didn't feel like I was trying because I just reverted back to more of my old habit of not eating and it worked pretty quickly, faster than before because I had chronic diarrhea. Being that malnourished was too much for my body to handle. Mainly eating carbs and sweets in the midst of a digestive nightmare.. I became a ghost due to lack of blood. I'm not going to spell it out, but I think intelligent people can surmise where I was loosing it from.

One day at work it got to the crisis point and I was hospitalized and consequently diagnosed with Crohn's disease. At this point I could go into many unpleasant details about the experience, but I already feel the weight of the negative energy I'm drudging up just saying what I have so far. Suffice it say, it was the worst most painful time of my life, Dr's don't know crap, and the food-pharmaceutical-"health" industry is all a conspiracy.

From there, I got 'religion' and began to heal myself. Since I've teetered.. and those old habits of emotional eating have resurfaced after I experienced a pretty drastic self healing phase. I lost another 50 lbs and was doing really well and then..  and then I don't know what happened these past few years. But that brings me up to now.

All those issues being what they are.. I think, 'ok, fine.. I'm aware, I acknowledge it and will not ignore it. When I am consciously aware of those issues come up I will deal with it..  Health is ultimately what I want.. and who doesn't? This is what I choose to focus on now.' Therefore, in the interest of focusing on what I want, opposed to what I don't.. simply

I want to feel good, period. And what that means exactly will be covered in the next update.

Pictures
1st - Teens, At around the optimal weight, but achieved through unhealthy habits
2nd - Late 20's with an extra 100 - the low point
3rd - Early 30's with an extra 50 - the lowest point, I was very sick then
4th - taken this summer.. much healthier, but still not quite there.

There are times when we need to direct healing energy to a person. This may be done with the Channeling Hands. Although there are many techniques and methodologies for channeling energy depending on the nature of the problem and the healing tradition, this method is simple to recall and does not require much effort on our part.

For a general healing, the two hands are extended outwards--towards and within the aura of the patient--a centimeter or two away from the subject's physical body. Imagine the hands radiating a white-golden force filling the patient's aura. Next seal this magnetic-field with an inscription of a symbol meaningful to you. Trace this symbol in the air slightly above or beyond the person or object.

Like everything else in metaphysical practice, prior spiritual training under a true Guru, directly or indirectly appointed by the Holy Council of the Chohans, gives greater satisfactory results in healing operations.

The Manifester Mudra

"And it shall be, that thou shalt drink of the brook; and I have commanded the ravens to feed thee there. And the ravens brought him bread and flesh in the morning, and bread and flesh in the evening; and he drank of the brook." 1 Kings 17:4,6

Elijah, one of the biblical prophets, was commanded by God to go to the "wilderness" to "hide." This can actually be conjectured to be God's (actually a Guru's) command to Elijah to undergo a spiritual retreat to engage in meditation and other spiritual disciplines. Such spiritual retreats are called "Uzzlah" in Islam and "Hitbodedut" in Judaism, of which a specific physical environment is not always meant. Some people seem to think that meditation should only be done in peaceful and quiet surroundings--this is not true for someone of Elijah's caliber who is able to precipitate such conditions in his soul whenever he wills. Advanced practitioners are not dependent on the environment for peace, for this is a false sense of peace. True peace comes from within and is a state attained by meditators wherever they physically find themselves.

Now while in retreat Elijah was fed bread and meat by ravens. This anecdote may be interpreted literally or more appropriately, esoterically and symbolically. We will not overdwell upon this issue here. What interests us is that Elijah's needs were somehow fulfilled by an external force as a result of the workings of Cosmic laws. The scriptures do not relate this, but Elijah's desire or need was preceded by a request to be sustained--"ask and it shall be given"--that is the spiritual injunction. How desires may be requested for fulfillment is "coincidentally" depicted in the picture of Elijah above. The finger-tips of the two hands are placed together forming an empty space between them. Occultism teaches that this mudra builds up a natural magnetic-force between and around the hands while in this position, and this force may be imbued with a certain quality, feeling, idea, or thought. The resultant accumulation of power and the magnetization of this packet of energy with a thought or feeling is known as a thought-form, and at more advanced levels where a degree of consciousness is embued to it, the packet of energy becomes a "servitor" or a "familiar."

When subsequently released to the Cosmic realms, this thought-form strives to manifest on the physical plane that which it was programmed to do. This is why we name this mudra "the Manifester," for it helps to generate the energy and force to manifest one's desires--one reason why it is instinctively used during prayer. The mudra is one of the secret tools applied in the art of mental creation. We may manifest anything within the world of possibility and such manifestations may occur instantly or after a time delay.

In order to manifest anything, one must first accumulate psychic energy. There are many methods of doing this which are taught in metaphysical schools. One must also be able to release the thought-form to angelic intelligences and elementals and to urge their cooperation in the work of manifestation of which in this context we act as the First Cause. Their help are essential and this cannot be done if we do not acquire and maintain a good relationship with these beings or have authority over them. In the biblical story of Elijah mentioned previously, these elemental and angelic beings are represented by the ravens.

As this work with the elementals requires training under a qualified Guru, we will not offer the formula in full here for to convey such power to those who would abuse or misuse it is a dangerous thing to all parties concerned. We are to be responsible for what we give out. If a student abuses power the teacher likewise reaps a percentage of the karmic effects. There are metaphysicians who would deny this in their ignorance; nevertheless, it is true. In their ignorance, irresponsible "paranormals" or Gurus offer their occult teachings, their so-called powers and knowledge without any consideration as to the moral fitness of the recipient. We emphasize right here that some things just cannot be put into print for public consumption--not when the false ego reigns supreme. However, to return from our digression and putting the training work aside, the basic steps for manifesting anything are as follow:

1) Assuming the mudra and the generation/accumulation of Power

2) Attunement

3) Invocation of the angelic intelligences and elementals

4) The building-up of the thoughtform and empowering it

5) Release of the thoughtform with the certainty and faith that it will manifest

The Beast Master

Every student of biblical study is familiar with the story of Daniel and how he was thrown into the lion's den due to the nefarious plot of jealous individuals (Daniel 6:3-24), and also how he survived the ordeal. Like many other stories in the scriptures, this tale offers more value to us when interpreted esoterically rather than understanding it in a historical sense.

Metaphysically speaking, beasts of prey represent the lower instincts, desires, and emotions within man. The task of the disciple is to tame these energies and harness them for a higher purpose. Therefore, Daniel, having subdued the lions signifies a disciple's spiritual mastery over the forces governing his four-fold personality--his mental, astral, etheric and physical bodies.

The Beast Master mudra collects energies from the cosmos and directs them to the heart, it also raises and transmutes the lower "animalistic" energies residing in the solar plexus to the heart region where a major chakra is located. The energy that accumulates in the heart builds up the chakra that subsequently attracts a greater influx of power from the Monad, which is the divine spark within the microcosm.

To conduct the Beast Master exercise, extend your left hand outwards, palm facing upwards. The right hand should be placed over the heart, palm inwards. The next step is to visualize the left hand collecting energy from the cosmos. See silvery-golden light from a spiritual source entering your left palm and travelling to your heart. Do this for 5-10 minutes. By placing your right palm over your heart, a closed-circuit is formed that would build magnetism within the chest and thus further nourish the important heart-center.

Continuing to the next phase of the exercise, while still in the same mudra position, visualize a ball of energy in the solar plexus region. See it scintillating and vibrating with power. Suck this energy upward to the heart until the ball of energy at the solar plexus diminishes while the energy in the heart chakra area increases. This second part of the Beast Master should also be done for several minutes.

After completing the second stage, continue with the last step: Visualize a scintillating ball of silvery light above you. Chant and vibrate the word "Yeheshua" for 7x. Now inhale deeply and as you do so, direct a beam of light from this silvery ball of power above you to the crown of your head--continue visualizing its descent downwards where it engulfs the heart. As you hold your breath, see your heart covered in divine radiance as depicted in the picture above of the Benediction mudra. Exhale when you feel uncomfortable. Repeat the chanting and the breathing cycle for 5-10 minutes.

Once the heart chakra has unfolded, the energies residing in it may be directed in various ways by the white magician.

The Heart Polarizer Mudra

The purpose of the Heart Polarizer is to strengthen the psychic center in the heart region and to polarize one's consciousness at the level where love reigns in all its splendor.

The average person is polarized in the solar plexus chakra where the lower emotions are based. By transcending this chakra and focusing and functioning from the heart center we liberate ourselves from our human mortal thoughts, feelings and attitudes, and claim the heritage of our innate divinity.

To perform this mudra: place the left hand sideways against the center of the chest, thumb inwards to the heart as may be seen in the picture above. Maintain this position for 5 minutes or more while doing deep breathing. Focus your attention upon the heart where the spark of your divinity lies.

The Energizer Mudra (Sign of Reverence)

This mudra generates a certain energy within one's bio-magnetic field. It is a hand pose to be found in the practices of countless spiritual traditions and religions. While in prayer we often assume this pose and arise out of it spiritually strengthened and nourished. The power generated with the use of this mudra uplifts the mind giving one a new zest and enthusiasm for life. Needless to say, one of the secrets of prayer is the pose of the body and hands that configures one's energy structure to greatly facilitate the communion between worlds and the exchange of forces.

Execute this mudra by uniting both hands at the level of the chest, palms together and fingers pointing upwards. Maintain this pose for 5-10 minutes--or much longer if you are able to. Feel the energy developing in the area of the hands as it slowly spreads up to the arms and body. This mudra could trigger an automatic response from the nervous system resulting in unusual movements of the limbs and body.

The Christ Wisdom Mudra

This mudra develops in us spiritual wisdom. As mentioned in a previous chapter, every finger symbolically and magnetically represents a certain element. In this mudra we have spirit or ether (middle finger) acting on air or the mental faculties (index finger). When the mind is influenced by spirit it develops spiritual wisdom--not the wisdom of this world, but the wisdom of the gods that transcends human understanding.

For 5-10 minutes (or longer), place the tip of the right forefinger upon the tip of the middle finger of the left hand. The rest of the fingers of the right hand are folded, while in the left only the thumb and first three fingers are extended. The palms of both hands should face towards the chest. Refer to the painting at left.

[Note: This paper contains images which may be seen as originally published at our website]

Copyright © 2006 Luxamore

Leonard Lee aka Luxamore

Metaphysical teacher, counseler, healer and merchant of occult/magickal items of Indonesia.

Caroline was kind enough to write the Foreword for and contribute a story to my book, Sixty Seconds: One Moment Changes Everything.

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 1 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 2 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 3 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 4 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 5 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 6 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 7 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 8 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 9 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 10 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 11 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 12 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 13 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 14 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 15 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 16 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 17 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 18 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 19 OF 20

THE ENERGETICS OF HEALING—PART 20 OF 20

Welcome to my blog! I am the host of the internet radio show, Journeys from the Heart…Embracing the Path back to LOVE! That is my intention, to bring you back to the place of BEING IN LOVE! Really, what is better than that?

This blog is more than a whisper, it is a whisper that is to be passed along to all your friends and family. It’s not about keeping secrets, it’s about sharing what works, what doesn’t work, and how we all find love.

Many people have been hurt, and then they stay in the place of hurt and remain a victim to the past. I do NOT want that for you. What I want for you is personal growth, to help you stretch beyond your expectations, and become the person who will attract your dream mate and your dream life! Your dreams do not have to stay dreams, they can become reality and I am here to assist you!

As a Relationship Coach, my dream is that you BE the very best you can be in your relationship. That you experience and enjoy a true spiritual partnership. My passion is watching others grow beyond their wildest dreams. I am honored to be your guide on this journey.

Image courtesy Dr. John, used under a Creative Commons license.

I asked him what his Mp5 was and he said 61 :O I couldn't believe it, i was sure i remembered Immordal telling him to watch his Mp5 only a couple of nights before. I tried to point out to him that although awesome for PvP his mana wouldn't last though a boss fight. After all thats what you aiming at, to have enough mana Regen that you can keep healing everyone through out the fight.

(After all we all know that size doesn't matter, it's how long you can go ;) )

The attitude i coped back was a bit much, he can be a real smart arse at times. Don't get me wrong everyone is entitled to an opionion, but saying "i have: Figurine - Seaspray Albatross, so i have it covered", was a bit rude. After all I'm only tring to help, I think i try and help to much, it just makes me seem like a smart arse too i guess.

Well its Sunday Morning. You all make me feel like a natural woman. Thank -you. I feel like a natural woman. This song is for us. For me and for all the women who love me and for all the women I love. This is for women and this is for love and this is for Sunday. I wonder why I very rarely mention men. Anyway , this is a post for us women. 

Lookin out on the morning rain
(Ah-ooo)
I used to feel so uninspired
(Ah-ooo)
And when I knew I had to face another day
(Ah-ooo)
Lord it made me feel so tired
Before the day I met you
Life was so unkind
But your love the key to my piece of mind

Cause you make me feel
You make me feel
You make me feel
Like a natural woman (woman)

When my soul was in the lost and found
You came along to claim it
I didn?t know just what was wrong with me
Till your kiss helped me name it
Now I?m no longer doubtful
Of what I?m livin? for
And if I make you happy
I don?t need to do more

Cause you make me feel
You make me feel
You make me feel
You make me feel like a natural woman (woman)

Oh baby what you done to me!
(What you done to me!)
You make me feel so good inside
(Good inside)
And I just wanna be
(Wanna be)
Close to you
You make me feel so alive

You make me feel
You make me feel
You make me feel like a natural woman (woman)

You make me feel (hey)
You make me feel
You make me feel like a natural woman (woman)
FADES-
You make me feel (hey)
You make me feel...

Always feel the love, its just so lovely, its hard not to.

Yup ! Corny I know but I think you get to a point I mean I've got to a point where theres nothing elese. Theres only love, simple easy love. Thats everything.

I love love and I love natural and I love women and I love friends and I love Sundays and I love Carol Kings hair and smile.

You make me feel like a natural woman Diane.

One love

Lets all love each other and if that love makes for great friendships then thats brilliant.

Diane x

And just before their senior pastor took the platform, we had a coffee break.  They actually have Starbucks in their worship auditorium.  You guessed right---I had a cup.

The senior pastor preached for about forty-minutes from Luke 13:1-5.  I enjoyed it.  But after praying at the end of his message, he did something that I never expected:

He said that he was sensing in his spirit that someone in attendance had a pain in their side and needed healing.

I'm not kidding about PMS. It has actually gotten so bad for me that I have started taking The Pill. That's right. The same year my partner turns male I find myself taking a birth control pill. Not for pregnancy prevention but PMS prevention. I have had bouts of depression all my adult life but always managed to find sanity. Not this year though. Scary stuff. As soon as I finish ovulating I start to fall into chaos. After months of attempting to treat my predicament with homeopathics etc. I finally had a flash of insight and diagnosed a prescription myself, much to the chagrin of my doctor.

Here it is: my body wants to conceive but my heart/head does not want to. I told Ram "as soon as my womb smelled the T on you it started to get broody". Yuck, I don't want a child and feel totally drained by all the bleeding, and seemingly ceaseless hormonal changes I go through every 28 days. So this is day 8 on the Pill and I am very optimistic about a lighter flow, knowing when it will come, and less mood crashing. Time to ditch the distractions... I need all my wits about me as Ram plans for his next surgery. A hysto is a much bigger deal than a mastectomy and I want to be prepared to be a pillar of strength that he can lean on. I want to be as sturdy as a mountain for both of us.