God gave his Son. Not Himself, but His Son...to our world...well actually to the Middle East.

Now I suppose Jesus would be Holy, after all he was created by God...wait a minute...so were we!

So were the angels and demons and Satan.

So was the Holy Spirit...so was everything.

Are we all Holy? Are we all God; as Jesus is in the trinity?

Do you suppose He created them (Jesus, angels, demons, Satan, Holy Spirit, etc.) all at the same time or separately? If He created them separately, as it seems He would, then it seems that they are separate creations. A result of His magic...not actually "of" Himself, but of His magic...His spoken or imagined words...much as he is said to have created our universe.

Why does He keep killing us? Well actually, except for not interfering with evil (which He directly created), he hasn't directly killed anyone (that I know of) for about 4,000 years...more or less.

Do you suppose He stopped because Paul told Him to? Bad image and all that...gotta get that "Loving God" thing going.

Boy, this sure gets confusing.

Once upon a time, after the death of Moses, God chose Joshua to be the next leader of the Israelites.
Joshua’s task was to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land. To accomplish this task, Joshua and his army had to wage battles against the enemies. All the campaign was carried out under the direction and supervision of God Almighty who was the real leader of Israel. God commanded that every citizen of Israel must lead an honest, transparent and holy life. They should have a life of integrity. Every one was bound to obey the Law, which was the Word of God. Slight deviation or disobedience lead to punishment of the culprit. God intended a clean and exemplary lifestyle from the nation of Israel because He had chosen them and loved them as His own people.
So Joshua was all set to invade and settle down in the Land. The fist campaign was the city of Jericho, which was a grand success under the clear guidance of God. Indeed it was a strange victory they had without any bloodshed. All they had to do was march around the city seven times for seven days and on the seventh day the walls of the city collapsed. Wow!
Joshua had commanded his people that no one was supposed to keep any loot for his own self. Every thing was to be deposited to Joshua. Later the spoil would be divided according to the instructions of God.
Achan was a soldier who was a little selfish and greedy. His only aim was to see his profit in everything. He wanted to do things for his personal gain only. Therefore his motives behind his actions were sometimes wrong. He was a man of weak character. He was not able to trust God Almighty for his needs. All that he bothered was to provide for his family and children. To do that he did not mind breaking God’s rule.
So as they were gathering the spoils, Achan happened to come across a huge iron chest where he found thousands of gold coins, fine garments and costly cloths. Achan was tempted. He wanted to keep a few coins for himself. He quickly looked around him. Yes! No one was watching him. Achan pocketed a few gold coins. The rest he carried faithfully to Joshua his commander. He was very sure that no one had seen him but missed some one who was constantly watching his every move.
Months passed by, Joshua planned the next campaign. It was a small city compared to Jericho. So Joshua took lesser soldiers to invade the city of Ai. Alas! At the nick of the moments, Joshua’s army lost the battle and was utterly defeated. Joshua was aghast. What went wrong? Was his strategy not according to God? Why did they have to face shame and defeat from a weak enemy?
With total confusion Joshua went to the presence of God. God said that there was some one among his solider who had violated His Law and therefore he has withdrawn His hand of blessing from the entire community.
Joshua was shocked. Who would have done that? Immediately, he sent for his people and asked his assistants to have a through search among all Israelites.
Achan was trembling when the search party entered his tent. What would happen now? And surely the few gold coins were found out.
Joshua was enraged. Because of the selfish act of a single man, the entire army faced defeat, not only that few lost their lives in the battle too.

Don't worry so much about life. Quit trying to solve all your problems. Let go of your burdens. Life doesn't have to be as complicated as you make it out to be. Don't try to tie up all the loose ends - just let it go. And most of all, quit with the self-pity. Just worship God. It's what you were made for, and it's the only thing that will free you.

Also - how cool is this poster?!

This reminded me of my life right now. While a little bit removed (like I was this weekend while at home for Lindsay's wedding), I can think about all I have to do and feel okay, satisfied, and even encouraged and calm at times. But, while in the midst of things (Tuesday night comes to mind, Jamie and Bekah), I get distraught, disheartened, overwhelmed, etc. So, while flying through the clouds, I was reminded it's all about a shift of perspective. Things this week with Testing might suck a little bit. Hey, maybe even a lot. But, once I'm a little removed from the situation, I'll be able to relax and breathe, and even remember that God's beauty and grace and goodness were reflected even in the worst of times. And really, it's not even the worst of times. It just seems so from that perspective.

American Heritage Dictionary
per·spec·tive (pər-spěk'tĭv)
n.

1. A view or vista.
2. A mental view or outlook: "It is useful occasionally to look at the past to gain a perspective on the present" (Fabian Linden).
3. The relationship of aspects of a subject to each other and to a whole: a perspective of history; a need to view the problem in the proper perspective.

From the Bible

I made a recent trip into China. To my dismay, I realised that I wasn't able to access my blog, much less update it. I was totally blocked out. I did a little searching and noticed the concern the authority have over the Tibetan conflict and the Olympic Games which the mainland Chinese are hosting. Like a child, stepping out of the house for the first time, there is there is a little fear, a little apprehension and a whole lot of concerns. But at least the child is making an effort to go out of his comfort zone. The massive traffic of international relations should be more patient and forgiving, not horning angrily as they zoomed speedily pass, scaring the already anxious child. Whatever the child did wrong, can be taught right, but it will be far worse if the frightened child runs back into the house and locks up.

When I was watching the relay of the torch, I sense a prophetic vision of the fire as it route from Athens into Beijing. The Fire of the Holy Spirit is moving in danterm with the Gospel of Jesus into a place that was previously closed for ages that houses a quarter of the world's population. The Fire of the Holy Spirit spreading like wild fire in the land and even beyond. I believe the Chinese as a race is part of an important role God has to spread the Gospel to the ends of the world. Well, they are already literally in every part of the world and so not that inconceivable. If you have seen some of the documentary on Chinese Christians in China, the Fire of the Holy Spirit is indeed spreading hot and wild. Hallelujah!

When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.   Acts 2:1-4

The time is near. Keep us keep pace with what God is doing. Let us remember them in our prayers.

I wish there were a way to make someone feel what I feel... like if there were a sticker on this page that said, "scratch here to feel happy". Many think that true happiness can not be reached. Well, let me tell you how out-of-this-world happy God has made me.

I used to think I was the kind of person who looked at life 'realistically'. I grew up being taught that life was a struggle, that things and people would always fail you. That, yes, there were happy moments but they were always followed by hurts, letdowns, and disappointments. Being taught and shown this as a little girl, I grew up thinking it was true.

It's funny how God completely changes your way of thinking. I started going to Voice of Pentecost Church and little by little, God started changing the way I looked at life. I would see so many people going through really hard trials and would think, "Man! How can they be happy, dancing, and praising God, knowing that they just lost their house, their car, or their job, claiming that God had a greater blessing in store...if they just obey Him?" Immediately, my 'realistic' way of thinking would kick in; why didn't they just work harder to get things for themselves instead of waiting on God to do it for them? I even became angry with my friends for thinking the way they did. I felt like they were living in a fantasy land where everything was 'peachy-keen' and nothing ever went wrong.

Then one day, I had a very loooong conversation with one of them and I began to tell him how unrealistic he was being. Life wasn't all about being happy. I told him that he had to work harder to gain everything he wanted in life; that nothing is just given to him by praying and waiting on the Lord! Life is full of disappointments and you can never be truly happy! He sat there listening then said, "Stephanie, that's not how our God is." I suddenly realized he was right.

From that moment, my life changed... God started working within me and I found truth despite all the lies the devil had tried to use to blind me.

I realized that, yes, there are trials and tribulations but they are not there to make you miserable or unhappy. They're there to make you stronger, to lift you up. I realized that in praising Him with all that was in me, just as I had seen others do, I would find happiness! All of the devil's lies had made me into this cynical person who looked at life with bitterness and anger, never expecting anything good or anything to make me happy. I now realize that with my Lord, I am capable of anything and everything He has called me to do, no matter how big, small, or crazy. No matter how hard or testing my trial may be, I find true happiness in forgetting the world and just falling in love with my Jesus!

Stephanie Henriquez is a volunteer at Christian WYSIWYG Filmworks.

The lessons cover the following topics:

Breath in the dust. Inhale it deeply, fully. Let it fill your nostrils and slowly close your life-line to this world. Go to that other world where shopping occurs in bazaars, goats lay chained to a pole awaiting slaughter and children sort the trash from the dump in a wheel barrel. This is a man's world; a lost world. Buildings stagger, half in-tact from years of bombing; the land sits desolate - trees haven't been seen for decades, since before the Russians invaded. Someday soon, though, a root will burrow deep and a trunk shall spring forth. And many will come to call the shade of this tree home.

"They have no knowledge who carry about their wooden idols, and keep on praying to a god that cannot save...Turn to Me and be saved, all the ends of the earth! For I am God, and there is no other." - Isaiah 45:20,22

I want to run,
 I want to leap,
 I want to shout for joy,
because, my Dad,
 You’ve promised me
 that I’m Your little boy.

So if you’re lonely,
 if you’re sad
 and if you’re feeling blue,
I’m here to say,
 it’s not just me
 but God’s your Daddy too.

Copyright © 2008 Lewis Caviness

They sang this song at Elevation tonight...and I've had it stuck in my head ever since. It's definitely my new favorite!! I've probably listened to it about a dozen times already. <3

Second Chance by Hillsong United

You called my name, reached out Your hand,
Restored my life, and I was redeemed,
The moment You entered my life,
Amazing grace, Christ gave that day,
My life was changed,
When from my shoulders, fell the weight of my sin

Chorus

So it's with everything I am,
I reach out for Your hand,
The hope for change, the second chance I've gained,
On You I throw my life, casting all my fears aside,
How could greater love than this, ever possibly exist?

Consume my thoughts, as I rest in you,
I'm now in love, with a Saviour,
Bearing the marks of His love

Chorus x2

Bridge

So I wait upon You now,
With my hands released to You,
Where a little faith's enough,
To see mountains lift and move,
And I wait upon You now,
Dedicated to Your will,
To this love that will remain,
A love that never fails

At the end of December 2007 I thought, "Hey, wait, I'm a bum." That's not all I thought last December, but it's enough of a snippet for my point to be made. So I set out to be very disciplined. Mostly I wrote out some goals and then tried to stick to those goals for the year (for the year!), but then I think I re-wrote them on January 3rd, give or take a day or two, and this not because they were too difficult but because I'm, well, me.

And who am I? I once heard a Bill Clinton impersonator say that he was so good at lying he could say, "I am not here right now. And what is "here", but a "there" without a "t"?" I could ask the same thing. Who am I? And what is "I", but a "U" two vowels previous?

I read a book last summer by a Christian pastor who said that the weird thing about finding yourself is that it's most likely to happen when you're not looking for yourself. In other words, stop trying to find yourself and just start going out into the world and doing something, offering some sort of service to people in the unique way that you've been gifted.

Easy for him to say, he's got a job locked down. And a Ph.D. Plus he wrote a book, so he knows how to get things done if you know what I mean.

The thing about getting things done is that when you want something done you're supposed to ask somebody who already has a hundred things to do rather than ask a guy with nothing to do. What sort of wisdom is this? Sounds like reverse psychology or some brain teaser to me. "Ohhh, I'm supposed to figure out why the guy with a hundred things to do is the better guy to ask when clearly the option is not him. Allow me to solve this riddle." After about 12 to 15 seconds I give up and say, "I give up," but then realize it's not a riddle but an actual proverb - you're supposed to ask the guy with a hundred things to do because he'll find a way to fit it into his schedule, but the guy with nothing to do will just continue to do nothing all day.

I'm the guy who does nothing all day, but when I listen to Switchfoot I think, "Why the crap can't I be doing something great with my life?" This also happens when I watch American Idol or when I'm washing dishes in the cafe at Barnes & Noble.

I get inspired for a few days, or even a few weeks - those are good times! - but then I slip back into being...me.

And who am I? But what is "I", but a "U" two vowels previous?

I usually get uneasy or ticked off - or sometimes I just roll my eyes, and even sometimes I have enough energy to look like I care - when somebody is a Christian in the old way I used to be a Christian. I know you know what I'm talking about. Some things are looked down upon as so evil and atrocious that you would think Beelzebub himself was playing the electric guitar on both of my shoulders. Both. The good angel is just gone. And the Devil is on both of my shoulders, he must be, because I've crossed the boundary marker.

This is why I don't like using even the same words as I used to use when I'm talking about spiritual things.

When I used to write a lot it would usually be about some moral principle or some lesson learned in my "relationship with God," but I know a song that starts out like this: "Dress down your pretty faith. Give me something real," and some people have the audacity to tack on an attempt to be real to their old way of being a Christian, so really it's just a continuation of the facade under the guise of being real.

Some people live their whole lives in fear.

After suppressing their real feelings for so long they actually start believing it. Don't they listen to Michael Jackson? Be careful what you do, before the lie becomes the truth.

I remember Donald Miller going through something somewhat similar, and letting the readers know that some of the things that the Christians are saying are true, and one of those things is that, if you want, he'll listen if you just talk to him. I don't know a lot of what I would say, but I figure I can start with "Welcome."

If you are in my immediate circle you might already know this news I'm about to share. For those of you who are not, I wanted to fill you in...

The past 6 years of my life I've been on staff at Seacoast Church. In those six years I have:

-had great successes

-had really great failures

-been molded by great leaders

-met my wife

-met my best friends

-shared stages with, what I consider, some of the best

-found my calling

This list could go on for many blogs but I'll keep it to this one. God is moving my family and I out of Charleston and Seacoast and we are joining up with Naeem Fazal at Mosaic Church in Charlotte, NC. I'll be taking the Worship Pastor position there and I am SO excited about what God is going to do through that body of believers. To any of my Seacoast family...we love you. We'll miss you more than you'll ever know.

My last service with Seacoast will be First Wednesday on June 4th. Make sure you are there, I'd love to worship with you all one last time.

Please keep up with all the updates at ORP (one red pilot) of our move and transition to Charlotte.

favor to you,

nate

— Alice Walker

Just wanted to take time to remind everyone to remember to thank their mothers in this very special day. For many of us, if it weren't for our moms we wouldn't be where we are today without them. Love them, respect them, pray for them. Remember, they are a blessing and they are there for a purpose. Thank you, Mom.

For those of you out there that don't have any moms, take time to thank God today because He takes the place of a mother (and everything else) in everyone's life. He makes the red roses seem more beautiful, life much sweeter, people more pleasant, and well, just about everything is better with God. Remember, God has a purpose for everything in your life... even those things that you don't like. And if it weren't for Him where would you be? 

I recall one time when I was foolish enough to join a Moms group at a local church - it was supposed to be a non-religious group that was simply holding the meeting and events in a church.  Wow!  Not!  The group was run like a Sunday School...for the Moms.  There was a "get-together in small groups and chat" session and then a presentation about Life as an allegorical tree with roots and branches all twisted up with Faith (really - this was supposed to be a non-religious group).  Then we did a CRAFT!  Holy Crap.  I told them I would have really appreciated nap-time.  Anyhoo.  In the presentation one day, the leader started to tell us anecdotes about her kids and then quickly broke down to crying and saying that she could not believe that Jesus decided that she was worthy to have a child - that she could not believe that Jesus trusted her so much that he decided to bless her with the responsibility of having and raising children.  All the ladies around me started crying and nodding and blowing their noses and I was waiting for everyone to start talking in tongues.  I am SURE my eyes were rolling OUT OF MY HEAD.  When the filters finally fail, I am going to be a nasty old woman because I could barely keep myself in my seat - I wanted to scream - ANYONE with with a function set of ovaries, a good uterus and access to sperm can have a kid - Jesus is not part of the freaking program!  Otherwise it means that Jesus ALSO decided that the drug addled hooker with 6 kids ALSO had Jesus' approval.  Who are these people that think that any spiritual being is focusing on them over anybody else.  So the person who is not provided with a child did not have Jesus' approval?  Like they were not good enough - so they get to be barren?  WTF?

Okay.  Rant done. 

now i kinda forgot what i wrote. hmphh >: (

okok. lets try again.

-

today was the official start of midyears. we'll be done by friday. a long week indeed. having all your exams squashed into one week has its good & bad points. RAWR. tml's amath & physics. I MUST PASS THEM BOTHHHH!

i reminded myself to thank the Lord, whatever circumstances, situations, results. so. Thank You Lord for seeing me through, even though i didn't exactly finish the paper. ohwellll. thank You too for reminding me to commit the whole paper into Your hands before i started even looking at the questions.

reminder to self: bring coloured paper for xueqi & joanne tml to decorate. ahhhh rememberrrr!!!!

having withdrawal symtoms (sp??) for cca sucks. why do i care so much??? sigh. seeing my juniors set up while going home to study last week was totally not nice. i am such a sad case. how am i going to survive studying studying studying everyday with any cca at all during the week after 25th july? ahh, sucks): handbells brings stress relief. yes i guess i totally adore the activity, the people in it. haha

I TOTALLY MISS CCA I CAN'T WAIT FOR JUNEEEE.

mghandbells, is more than a cca. its a community of people, being led by one God. a community of people who share a passion for one instrument. a community of people who care for one another, love one another.

ahwell.

here's a nice song i discovered in one of my Don Moen CDs! totally awesome, haha (:

Chorus:Be it unto me
According to your Word
According to your promises
I can stand secure
Carve upon my heart
The truth that sets me free
According to your Word O Lord
Be it unto me

You promised your word will deliver
Lord, we believe it's true
You promised us joy like a river
Lord we receive it from you
These things you have spoken
And you're bringing to pass
This world's disappearing
But your word will last

Chorus

You promised to carry our sorrows
Lord, we believe it's true
You promised unending tomorrows
Lord we receive them from you
These things you have spoken
And you're bringing to pass
This world's disappearing
But your word will last

Chorus

super nice alright! his songs are really nice(: haha yesterday i kept singing Be Still nonstop.. together with Jesus You are So Good! thats a very encouraging song tooo.

Jesus You are so good
Jesus You are so good
there's nothing to fear, cus i'm here
in Your presence.

Jesus You are so good
Jesus You are so so good
& i just wanna thank You with every beat of my heart.

yay (:

I know... I never heard of the guy either, at least until recently. A little background: he was a Protestant German theologian (1846-1922) considered to be in the 'liberal' camp, that is, sort of a spiritual successor to German Romantic theologian F.D.E. Schleiermacher. (One of my classmates says 'Schleiermacher' would be an excellent name for a boutique dark beer... but I digress...)

Here's some of what he has to say that resonates with me, and I think might for many other people as well...

Herrmann says, "Information concerning God... although it may claim to be of divine revelation, can only bring that troubled piety which lives by no delivering act of God, but by men's own exertions." (The Christian Theology Reader, 3rd Ed., ed. by Alister McGrath, p. 143)

I think this goes a long way to explaining why so many 'traditional' denominational churches seems so... well... dead. Boring. Colorless. Meaningless. People go to church wanting to find God, to know God, and end up (at best) being taught about God. If all we do is learn about God, then reaching Him becomes something we must do under our own efforts rather than by His action. That's what Herrmann is saying, and I couldn't agree more. He continues:

"Probably for all of us that revelation comes from those in our immediate circle, and we ought in our turn to do a like service to others. But such people, in whose earnestness and brotherly love we can trace a hidden life from God, are fragments of God's revelation. [...] the person of Jesus surpasses all else that is great and noble in humanity. [...] The true confession is that Jesus is the Christ... through the man Jesus we are first lifted into a true relationship with God."

In other words, Herrmann says, what makes the difference is to see God made real in the lives of those around us. When we catch a glimpse of God's goodness, love, and mercy shining through another person, we learn something of what God is like, and this opens the way to our knowing God directly.

I know in my own life this couldn't be more true. Experiencing God's love, patience, understanding, and care in the lives of those who know and love Him has allowed me to catch a glimpse of Him in them and given me a desire to know Him for myself. Knowing His people also gives me a context in which to understand and accept the experience of direct contact with God, who is more beautiful and kind than words are able to express.

Finally Herrmann observes: "...it has become very difficult for the majority to regard the finding of God as the highest good, or even to look upon it as a wonderful gift from him at all. Most people think it of small importance that Jesus alone makes us certain of a living God, for they imagine that of all the doctrines in which they "believe" the doctrine of the existence of God is the most elementary."

Isn't that just like humanity?  We get all wrapped up in details and issues and lose sight of what's really important: knowing the living God Himself.  Coming in contact with God spirit-to-spirit is the most profound experience I can think of.   It's not elementary, but it's not difficult.  And it is worth it.

Apart from the royal FUBAR of the actual ceremony, on which I've been forbidden to blog, afterward there was enough small talk and well-wishes to make the remainder of the day as amicable as we had originally planned.

One of my students came up, thanked me for not being a total bastard and asked, "When do you pick up your new class?"

"Two weeks," I said.

"Wow, how do you do it? How do you keep teaching the same thing over and over?"

"New class. New people. New experience."

"Seems like it would get boring."

I shrugged.

Boring? Naw. Every day is new. Every day is unique. Honestly, there will never be another evening like this one—not ever another breeze, or another rain like this one. The clouds will never align and sparkle in the fading day light as they are now, nor will ever there be that hue of green or purple or red in that pattern across the sky in the history of man.

It's the same with work. It's the same with most matters in our lives. Every day is new. Every conversation is a completely new experience. Every talk is a chance to learn something about someone and thus increase awareness about those we love.

Part of it all is the will to find enjoyment in things. For as insurmountable of a task as it might seem to be, honestly, a lot of it is in simple will. I will myself to enjoy things. I will myself to find happiness in smiles and the in betweens. Sure I have a mountain of things that keep me busy, but ultimately, I can choose to dread the day or find satisfaction in my work.

I'm not talking about going hippy and hugging every blasted thing around, but there comes a moment where you or I can choose to get up on the board and ride the wave. It's a joining with life, rather than trying to redirect it.

I know so many people who spend so much time decrying every moment they've lived. Such-n-such didn't work out, who-n-who turned out to be a prick. There's a healthy time to reflect and learn, but the world is full of a million reasons to stay miserable and never get up out of bed. In my corner of the universe, I can choose to complain at the drudgery of everything, or I can adapt to a new perspective that sees the beauty in nearly everything.

I know, still hippy-ish, right?

Okay, look at a kid. A kid can experience the same story, read a thousand times, and scream with glee each and every time. A child can hold on to the wonder of life. A child can kick her legs and enjoy the breeze on the swing, then kick her legs for an hour more and love each time. Again! Again! Again!

But as we grow up, we forget. We forget how to hold on to happiness. We're worn down from reality. We abandon happiness for realism. We convince ourselves that there is nothing to smile about, only the doldrums of the never ending cycle of life.

Meh.

Some say that the universe is a cold and dead machine, spinning and gyrating with predictable forces and mechanisms that force the same pattern. The sun rises; the sun sets. Surely, some say, God does not exist, because, otherwise, why the boring pattern?

Ah, but what if God has never given up his child-likeness? What if he sees the magic of a sunrise and yells "Again!" each and every day? Is it such a crime to value the beauty of every day?

So, two weeks, new class. I'm stoked.

###

There’s a man on the roof
Ignoring the fireworks
The city walks by unmoved
Their laughter looks like tears

Your Majesty, he’s jumping
He’s jumping

He’s falling…
Into Your arms

For the first time.. In a long time. I prayed. I really prayed, not just thanking Him, not just praise. This time I told him just how much I need him. If i could use a metaphor to explain my situation it would be the song above this. I've been on the edge of a sky scraper for so long. I've been just about to jump into everything that could ruin me for a long time. And these last few weeks, I've jumped, and I hit rock bottom. I became what I never wanted to be, I always said that drinking was the dumbest thing anyone could do, I said taking drugs was stupi and selfish. But I turned into a hypocrite. And last night, I finally fell. And when i did, I didn't crash and burn. I was caught, I fell into His arms. And I knew it. I got into bed sick and thought of ho dumb I had been. You see, I finally realized that what I had been doing before the other two things had gone to far. I was honestly scared for my helth and possibly my life. I'm not doctor,but I was scared i had acrually been hurt. But last night when i realized that I had hit rock bottom I thought, "I wish someone would just catch me, and pick me up, and save me from myself.". I am a danger to myself, and i know it. And then, I remember everything I've heard at the Christian School that I go to, I remember all the bible studies I attended. And God saved me. I felt at peace. All the anger and guilt that I had, was gone.

And I can't explain the happiness I have.

In an earlier post, I said that He wouldn't let me go this time...
I was right.

=]

Do you ever just get overwhelmed? Whenever we sing this song. Whenever I hear it, it doesn't matter if I had just won the lottery, I would cry. Like a baby. Wow.

I said to her, that being the church's most elder member she might actually be privvy to a sign no one else has seen, but one I might be able to relate to somehow. She agreed that there are times when signs are given to certain individuals, but she also said she may just be slipping. I asked her what it would mean, bliblically, if in fact, the window had changed from one to two ships, and if she believed God could do anything, even to the point of making this the reality and making it so that no one else remembered there was a single ship in the window (rather than two) but her. Anything is possible. Some might call this magical thinking, but most would just say that the woman is indeed slipping...what if there is something else to it thought? Of course, I could be slipping too.  ;)  She could have just had a vision so real, or a lapse in memory that caused her confusion. I think it is another one of those signs, actually.

The other day I included a comic strip reference to Fermat's Last Theorem, which basically states, It is impossible to separate any power higher than the second into two like powers, and thus in a more visual way the window might depict that. Do you understand the connection? (“Do you understand”, I hear on the ION channel immediately after typing that, as though an echo. (Odysseus is on as I type @ 10:33pm) . A.D.D. is trying to take over, so I try to continue...

There is always that same theory in fiction, thus as copied from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fermat's_last_theorem :
The famous problem in number theory known as "Fermat's Last Theorem" has repeatedly received attention in fiction and popular culture.

• In "The Royale", an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Captain Picard states that the theorem had gone unsolved for 800 years. At the end of the episode Captain Picard says, "Like Fermat's theorem, it is a puzzle we may never solve." Wiles' proof was released five years after the particular episode aired. This was subsequently mentioned in a Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episode called "Facets" during June 1995 in which Jadzia Dax comments that one of her previous hosts, Tobin Dax, had "the most original approach to the proof since Wiles over 300 years ago." [1] This reference was generally understood by fans to be a retroactive continuity for "The Royale".

Back to the connections. In a recent post there was this mention of comic strip text from Monty, “Don’t feel bad, only a handful of the world’s top physicists and two former star trek voyager writers fully comprehend the theory.” I used a Fermat's Theorem comic in my collage in the a priori priorities post. From my exogenous post I seemed to have the number 800 in my head. I also mentioned the royal Paulownia, royal being an operative word. I connect things that are not always apparent, but they are seen.

Any photos I have of the church show the two ships in the window with one ship on the painted sign out front, next to that sign, at the moment, the words to the 40th Psalm, verse 1: "I WAITED patiently for the LORD; And He inclined to me, And heard my cry." She asked why it would be today that she looked up there and thought the glass had been changed out? Why would she think she had seen a single ship? Why tell me? I could not answer her in any way other than to tell her about the Fermat's Theory quote, and I have to admit, it didn't really explain it too well. Sometimes she seems to understand what I am talking about, and sometimes not. Who does? Who am I to explain mystery or possibilities?

I had to wonder...Could it be that parallel universe thing? Sometimes it seems like there is more than one reality going on at the same time, and that we have these little blipps in time, hiccups, as it were, that allow us to be aware of another time and action, only slightly different than the reality in which we are generally aware?  Parallels and a pair of ships. Of course, my neighbor is now concerned that the minister will think she is nuts. He might think so with her hanging around me, lol.

I actually believe the two ships window has been there for 25 years, but then again, there is something to the moment. You know, anything is possible.

"Please believe that it's true," I hear sung by Air Supply on a commercial.

the dictionary defines ‘jaded’ as “tired, bored, or lacking enthusiasm; typically after having too much of something”.

yep... i’m jaded, alright. this is going to be a mind dump, so bear with me...

“i wonder if the gospel of love has become the gospel of being right” ... dan merchant (author/writer/director of ‘lord, save us from your followers’)

i grew up in a horribly dogmatic and legalistic abomination, i mean denomination. =) i spent the first 25 years of my life surrounded by people who had a warped view of the salvation experience and who were quick to send a lot of people to hell if a strict religious code was not adhered to. they were so concerned with being convinced they were “right”, that in the process they weren’t really loving anybody. i left that church a little over 8 years ago, but in a lot of ways, and for a lot of reasons, i am still coming to terms with various aspects of that whole experience and continue to try to reconcile it with where i am in my life today. religion sucks.

before i go any further, i want to say that i am not angry, and i am not bitter... but if you will indulge me being totally honest here on my blog... i am tired.

i love Jesus and i want my life to reflect the character of Christ to those around me. i want to be an instrument of the grace that I so desperately need every day of my life. the ‘body of Christ’ is beautiful, man! i have been blessed to travel extensively and have met some of the most amazing and beautiful disciples of Christ all over this country and all over the world. so don’t get it twisted... i love the church... but “church”? yeeeeeaaaah... i’m pretty much not feeling it at the moment.

i’m not the only one. i often have these conversations with a few close friends of mine who are also on the same page. “church” isn’t cutting it for our generation. we desire to be a part of a thriving faith community that is making a difference in the lives of those in our respective spheres of influence.

to be fair, i do know that there are churches out there who are doing it... they are doing exactly what I am talking about... they are the hands of feet of Christ, love and justice in action that is the heartbeat of Jesus. but sadly enough they are few and far between.

i believe that the heart of God is for real live faith, love and community in action. however, in my life, i have seen a lot of people whose lives revolve around the sunday morning experience as if it were the apex of what it means to be a christian in america... who are satisfied to be "church people"... but outside of their sunday morning gloriously euphoric spiritual expression, they are having zero effect on the world around them once they walk out the doors.

the great christian paradox seems to be this... that we are quick to go to great lengths to profess our christianity, but yet do so little or nothing to act on that profession. i must wonder, when did we trade in being disciples of Christ for being “christians”? when did we trade in talking with people for talking at them? when did we trade being the church for doing church?

i am not a pastor, a priest or a theologian. i am simply someone who loves Jesus and who legitimately struggles with whether or not my life is a consistent enough reflection of the new life that i have been freely given. i don’t have all the answers. in fact, by comparison i probably have very few of them. i’m just saying something’s missing... i love Jesus, i’m just not sold on all the stuff that we’ve put in between him and us... so yeah... jaded.

i just finished watching an advance copy of “lord, save us from your followers”, a documentary by dan merchant and it got me on this page tonight. it releases june 13, and i am sure you will be hearing a lot more about it very soon. i watched the last 30-40 minutes of the film through tears, thinking "my God, people are hurting, and we're... in church..."

you can stream the entire film online for $6.99 now. if you are a pastor, show it to your congregation. if you are a parent, show it to your children. challenge those around you... get the dialogue going where you live. be the catalyst to get the people around you off their ass and into the real world... living, loving and looking like Jesus. part of me was a little afraid to post this, but you know what?  i'm tired of acting like i don't really feel this way... tired of acting like i'm not tired.  so, let the discussion begin...

On a Bible-teaching cruise in the Caribbean, I was listening to the customary first-day safety briefing. The precautions were vital in case the ship should have to be evacuvated.

The instructions from the ship's personnel concluded with a simple but significant explanation. A specific combination of air-horn blasts, indicating a drill, would be distinctly different from those indicating a real emergency. The distinction was critical. A drill did not constitute a need to evacuate. If passengers were to panic during the drill, it could result in chaos.

When we don't understand the circumstances that surround us, its easy to be shaken by life's alarms. Peter's  generation experienced the same thing. His warning was simple:"Do not think it strange concerning the fiery trail which is to try you"(1 Peter 4:12).

The trails and heartaches of life may sound like a call to evacuate--to run away or to respond to life in ways that are disheartening and destructive. But we would do well to listen more closely to our Lord. The trail may be nothing more than a remainder that our trust is to be in God, not in people. We can trust Him in those times when the alarms start to sound.---Bill Crowder.

We can trust our loving savior To protect from life's alarms; He's prepared a place of refuge Safe within His mighty arms.--Hess