By association, men who don't eat meat, like herbivorous lions, are not respected but rather mocked and abandoned by their kind. There is a reason why many people don't admit to having male friends who are vegetarians. It's too embarrassing for everyone involved. Male vegetarians are going against the essential laws of nature and evolution. In the wilderness, carnivores eat herbivores. If a man isn't the former, then he might as well get pushed around by the superior humans who love going to Dallas BBQ. Furthermore, our cavemen predecessors did not develop superior motor and hunting skills to spear down a mastadon just for a man to only eat hummus 3000 years later.

I love meateaters. I think the carnal act of devouring flesh and the color red is pretty sexy. Real (sexy) men eat meat. It's a not a double standard because real (sexy) women eat meat too. I would consider myself a real (sexy) woman and if I was into girls, I would expect them to be real (sexy) in that way as well. A man who refuses to eat my pot roast is a man castrated in my eyes. Simply put, if you are a male vegetarian, you would need to grow an extra pair to compensate. Considering the near impossibility of that, the easier alternative would be for you to suck it up and enjoy a juicy steak with me. You can even order it completely well done and I wont hold it against you.

I also don't trust male vegetarians for three reasons.

1) I dont think their protein deficient muscles could protect me from so much as a rabid duck.

2) I'm certain that they wouldn't be able to appreciate all the Grade A goodness I have to offer myself.

And lastly but most importantly,

3) How can I enjoy picking food off their plate during our date if there's only bland veggie mush? Sharing food as will be mentioned in another post (as well as a brilliant NYTimes article) is like sharing love. If I don't like your food, I certainly don't like you.

Spiderman...Not Getting any

Batman...Not Getting any

Hancock...Not Getting Any

The Hulk...Not Getting Any

Rogue...Not Getting Any

Suffice to say there are quite a few superheroes are not able to hit the skins. Despite having romantic interests, none of these super heroes are able to taker their relationships to the "next level." Superman has super sperm that would send a shot gun blast through any lady (he cannot control bodily functions like a heartbeat or an ejaculation). Batman studies zen buddhism before dawning a cape and therefore can't fornicate. Hancock becomes mortal and therefore not super if he spends too much time with his love Charlize Theron. The Hulk turns into a monster every time his heart rate gets above 160 or something...sex is a workout and he can't get excited, so no boinking. Rogue puts dudes in comas if she so much as kisses them. And Spiderman has radioactive sperm...that shit is worse than the HIV.

These are facts, but the question of why is still largely unanswered. Why is it that these superheroes cant score with the proverbial cheerleader?

My theory is this:

Romantic sex leads to more romantic attachment. And since these superheroes all have partners they "love"  without sex, involving sex would tip their relationships into a whole nother galaxy of seriousness. If a superhero were to fuck one of the leading ladies they would have to deal with all of the stuff that comes with greater romantic attachment. They would have to deal with the vulnerability, the pain, the potential loss, the frustration, the agony, the self-consciousness. They would be human because they would no longer be invincible. Their humanity would negate their superness. Therefore in order to hold onto some semblance of power...physical and emotional they cannot have sex.

Of course, you can have sex without greater romantic attachment, but since the creators don't want these superheroes being perceived as sluts...that is not an option...so they just make it impossible for them to have sex in the first place.

Codependence versus Independence and Finding Real Freedom!

This might be the perfect time to write about independence or freedom and how codependency can effect the way we love ourselves and others simply because the 4th has just passed or simply because I'm in the mood. I feel like finding our way in relationships can be confusing especially when it concerns finding our own freedom within the confines of a partnership. This is hard enough when both people are relatively healthy minded. When you add in restrictive childhoods or abuse in childhood it can take years before you find your way into healthy, lasting love.

Below are common definitions of codependency:

MHA Definition of codependence

codependency is “an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as ‘relationship addiction’ because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.”

Robert Subby defines codependency as “An emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual’s prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules.”

The term comes out of treating alcoholics and their loved ones, who developed codependent patterns to cope with the alcoholic’s behavior. Codependency is a pattern of response. It’s a habitual way of reacting that is learned as a coping mechanism to an unhealthy situation.

Researchers found that the codependency habits become so ingrained in people that they persist beyond the interaction with the addict. That is, these patterns can exist and be passed down in families over time, even when the addiction is no longer present.

My personal experience has been one of losing myself in any long-term romantic relationship I'm involved in. Losing yourself for the benefit of a relationship is a life sucking experience. But what is more important is that when you are losing yourself in someone else it's really just a distraction that keeps you from recognizing your own desires, hopes, goals, feelings and needs. Why this happens most certainly takes root in childhood and creates a pattern of self-deprecating behaviors that seem so normal it's impossible to actually notice what you are doing, much less change it. That is until your life becomes un-liveable. It didn't say unmanageable, because I could manage anything, I could fix anything and I could make anything work as long as it kept me in the relationship. It wasn't until I noticed I could not live like that anymore that I realized there was something about me that wasn't right. I noticed that other people didn't have the same problems with intimacy and that other people also had boundaries that I lacked. Other people could say no. I could not and if I wanted to say no, rather than say it I would lie or make an excuse so that I would not have to show up. Now I just don't lie anymore. I tell the truth and I'll be damned it works. People respect the truth. You can't argue with the truth. The truth is the truth. And that's all I have to say about that!

Being in a co-dependent relationship is the polar opposite of the definition of freedom:

I procured this definition of freedom at Dictionary.com whose ease of availability keeps most of my posts free of spelling errors:

1. Exemption from external control, interference, regulation
2. Personal liberty, as opposed to bondage or slavery
3. Exemption from the presence of anything specified (usually fol. by from): freedom from fear.
4. The absence of or release from ties, obligations, etc.
5. Frankness of manner or speech.
6. The power to exercise choice and make decisions without constraint from within or without; autonomy; self-determination.

Co-dependency, while being self-imposed is unconscious and while we feel we are making free choices we definitely are not. It takes a lot of heartache to disembowel your primary thought process and actually realize that it is not the end all, be all of existence. I felt that every decision I made was controlled or interfered with by the presence of my partner simply because I had to consider his needs before I considered mine. I was in fear, not because of any actual danger, but because if I said what I thought or did what I wanted to do he would leave me. This prevented me from exercising personal liberty. I was bound by marriage or verbal commitment and held that obligation with fear of being alone or with guilt that I had not tried hard enough. I lost my personal autonomy altogether because I wanted to be loved, and in all of this I felt I had no choice. And all of these feeling, I believed very deeply were love, I trademarked marked them love as if love were something that must be earned instead of given, as if love could not be granted me unless I acted, thought, or did certain things and it was unbearable. My last relationship unhinged me to the point of self destruction, but if it were not for pain I would not be able to write these words now, because I would still be back there living a delusion, so I am more than grateful for the experience.

I always hope that others do not have to experience what I did in order to find independence, but I have noticed that sometimes we have to lose ourselves in order to find ourselves again and if that's the price that leads to freedom of illusion then so be it!

I wonder if this is the same person.  (And be sure to check out the comment copied from The Onion - oh, my eyes...)

If you ever been on blind dates set up by your so called friends, then you know how hard it is to find that especial somebody that takes your breathe away. You will never find that person through blind dates, internet dating or reality shows. Only 2% of people will find the love of their lives in those places.

Never go on blind dates unless you are really desperate. The premise of a blind date is that a friend set you up with someone that you might hit it off with. Might is the operative word. Your friend is guessing that you might like the person they choose. Unless you tell them what kind of girl you like, they might just pick someone so completely wrong for you. And even if you tell them what kind of girl you like they might still pick the wrong girl for you. But they are not doing this intentional. People who set up dates for their friends are doing it out of the goodness of their hearts. They just want to see their find happily married with children. But sometimes their efforts fall short and just turn into another story to write in the Worst Dates of All Time Book.

 She loves me. She love me not. We all wonder whether or not someone we really liked felt the same way. Sometimes you just keep your feelings inside, never knowing if you truly liked you. And sometimes you just bite the bullet and ask the person out. If she says yes, that still doesn’t mean that she likes you. There are several steps you must take to seal the deal. I created these steps because I too have felt this way. I have pluck petals off of flowers wondering if she loves me or not. I fell in so called love many times. I had my heart broken too many times. I made a whole bunch of mistakes. But I learned from them. You can too! Just by falling the steps you can achieve successful love. You don’t have to change who you are. I’m not going to tell you to go out and buy designer clothes and get a fancy sports car. Just be yourself. That’s what truly matters. Honesty, sincerity, and faithfulness are three words you have to remember if you truly want to be with someone. Those three words are the basics of an successful relationship. Its like peanut butter and jelly, Penn and Teller, Larry, Curly, and Moe, Sonny and Cher, Batman and Robin, Mary Kate And Ashley Olsen, war and peace. You can’t have one without the other.

Source:  Easton's Bible Dictionary

Abraham showed his faith by his works. James 2:14-24

Source:  Christiansunite.com

Step 2) Meet guy at theater and say no more than 5 sentances before you sit down.

Step 3) Don't acknowledge each other's existance for the next hour and a half.

Step 4) Make quick small talk at the end of the movie.

Step 5) Don't thank him for the movie, instead just say "it's okay" when he apologizes for not having much to talk about, and then get out of the vehicle.

Okay..it's possible that I'm making it sound a bit worse than it was, but not by much! There isn't a whole lot more to say about it though. I would do it again just because he's such an interesting person to talk to, and we have a lot in common. Somehow he still ended up asking me if I want to go out again sometime, so I guess that's good.

Interesting weekend.

I have spoken to a couple of very lovely men.

Interest exists on both sides

Early days yet ...

One already has me thinking very norty thoughts ...

He doesn't know yet ...

Or does he?

But yea.

I admit to having some of the biggest assholes for guy friends. But I will also admit that I have some of the sweetest. Now I will go out on a limb and say for the most part I'm not interested in the nice guys I meet is the fact that we literally have absolutely nothing to talk about. We will have things in common, but the discussions will go something like this:

Did you see that new Angelina Jolie movie? It's supposedly based on the works of Emily Dickinson.

Oh. I don't really like to read. But Angelina is a good actress...

*silence*

Get my point? Well, besides those instances, when I meet a nice guy, the first thing I think is " wow, I want to keep him around.

Wait- let me finish.

When a girl meets a nice guy, and that guy makes her feel comfortable, and is pretty much perfectly compatible with her, and would treat her like a princess, the first thing she is thinking is "Wow, I have a new best friend!".

Why is it that women think this?

Well, we're so used to dating crummy guys, we are mostly expecting for whatever relationship that we get into to inevitably fail, whether it is a subconscious or conscious thought. Notice how the nice guy is always the first guy we run to when a man does us wrong? And sadly, they sit and suffer through are constant hang ups and crying because they actually care about us. Not like care to call for birthdays and holidays, but that genuine "if you had nothing, I would give you everything".

Ladies, we are NOT victims of anything outside of our own minds. Look around. Look at your closest male friend and question why he's in your life. I can already tell you, outside of the above said instance, I have on numerous times passed up dating a good guy friend because I didn't want to lose my friend. And the sad thing is that I still do it. I'm trying to stop, but I really wonder if we're hardwired to make stupid choices when we're in our 20's, regardless of what it is.

So there it is: why nice guys finish last. Some may not agree, others may feel it fully. But at least that's my take on it.

I think I might be a masochist.

There are worse things to be, like a Republican, a Fundamentalist, or a wood tick.  No one likes a parasite.

Part of my masochism includes signing up with an online dating site.  Knowing what I know, why would I want to do it all again?

I just got this email, this is not a joke.

"Dear Samira,

*I sent this e-mail a couple of weeks ago but it looks like it didn’t go through because I put a link to a YouTube video in it. So, I’m re-sending it now:

Last night, I was out in the back yard grilling a good steak with my old “swinger” charcoal grill. I had been working in the yard/planting flowers much of the day and took a little time to sit back against the fence in a metal shell chair.

My cat Winston was lying in the yard and I was listening to some music from the wireless speaker I had out on the back deck. I had old cassette tape of various 70’s songs playing. I had titled the tape “Boogie Check.” This, after an old AM radio call in bit by the long defunct Boogie-U100. Boy, the DJ’s sure used to talk fast back then.

The Eric Carmen song, “All By Myself” came on and I thought of Tracie. She was a little girl I knew in grade school. Early on, I somehow came to the conclusion that I was in love with Tracie (notice the fancy spelling) but never really dreamed I had a chance with her.

When I was in the sixth grade, I was having supper with the family one night and there was a phone call for me. I was just a kid and never really talked on the phone much that I can remember. It was Tracie’s friend Dori and she asked me, “Do you like Tracie?” My family was all looking at me and this question scared the hell out of me. I said, “No” and hung up the phone.

That year, I was a school patrol captain and one day, Tracie’s older sister Tammy pointed at me and told her friend that I was Tracie’s boyfriend. Hmmm . . . I wonder what that would have involved? After all, girl germs were going around back then and the boys had to draw X’s on their hands with a ball point to protect themselves.

I guess Tracie did “like” me and I always felt bad about being scared and lying about my feelings. My near obsession over Tracie carried across the years to the exclusion of all other girls. By the time I was a sophomore in high school, I was still in “love” with Tracie.

It was at this point that I decided I would call Tracie. Do you know how hard it is for a painfully shy boy to call a girl on the phone? I was scared to death and nervous as hell but I called her up and asked her if she wanted to come over to my house to listen to records. She said she was “busy.” What, she couldn’t wait four years for my call?

I was bit destroyed after that and I decided to walk to Target to look at records. It was a bit of a walk and I went across the muddy gorge where they were just building highway 3 which later became 52.

It was 1975 and I bought what was then the new release by Eric Carmen. I remember going back down into my room, playing “All By Myself” and pining over Tracie.

Yep, I sure did like Tracie.

By the way, it’s a good thing that you don’t really want to meet anyone. I don’t want to meet anyone either.

Hope you had a great Fourth of July.

-Dork."

Wow.

(He really didn't sign this with Dork.  I added that to create tone.)

There are many parts of this letter that could scare a person, like the fact that he is telling me a story about a CHILD he was in love with and still thinks about?  Red Flag.  How about the part where he says he is Painfully Shy?  For Christ's sake, so am I, but I learned how to be fucking WITTY.  Get over it.  I also hate that he puts random things in quotation marks.  Quotation marks do not make things ironic.  Irony makes things ironic.

How long ago did Target stop carrying records?

I still have my friends call my date's friends to ask if I am their girlfriend--there goes that masochist again. I also make said friends find out details about their lives, like Has The Baby Been Born Yet or Are They Having Good Sex Because We Didn't.

When? When does it end?

p.s. I am dying to know what the You Tube video was.  Oh, the possibility!

Can you gauge the depth of love by the quality of a person's taste?

What about those who aren't well read? What about bad musical taste? (Or no taste at all?)

Several years ago I was driving my girlfriend's car, and she was the passenger. We were in the first month of dating - the "honeymoon period" of roses and sweet wine. She popped in a tape and out from the speakers came Celine Dion. She said with a straight face that Celine was her favorite artist. Period.

I honestly didn't know how to respond. I thought about asking her if she knew any Cowboy Junkies, or Emmylou Harris, or possibly a softball pitch of Carole King. But Celine is so far off the mark I didn't see the point. In my opinion, someone who props up Celine as their favorite isn't even really trying. So much music is out there, decades of music, that makes Celine sound like musical poo. At that moment, I did think to myself, "this (relationship) might not go very well."

It didn't go well, but I am not sure that Celine had a lot to do with it. I have thought many times since about that situation, though. Could I love someone who loves Celine Dion? If Celine is out, where do I draw the line? Mariah Carey? Gwen Stefani?

My hope is if I do find a lover who loves Daughtry, she will at least be open to listening to something more eclectic. I do believe that most people, those who are open to new possibilities, will if not embrace at least accept music with more depth. In this I hope.

I thought I would begin with a definition of a douche bag: an individual who has an over inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low intelligence level, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears.

SO here is my list of all things considered douche bag:

Appearance:

-Wears a too tight, pastel polo shirt with a "popped" collar. Don't get me wrong... I like a collared shirt, but if you have poppage going on... that's a sure sign of a DB.

-Wears a "graphic T" that states something about preferring blondes to brunettes, or a sentence that begins with "my other girlfriend..."

-Looks as though he spends more time on his head of hair than I do. I mean, I would almost rather see "I- just-rolled-outta-bed" hair than hair maticulously placed with so much gel in it that it appears wet hours after his actual shower... or walk in the rain.

-Frosted tips in overly-styled hair. "Au Natural" is always the correct option.

 -Baseball hat with the stickers still on or under the lid. What is with this unsightly fad? Who cares what size your hat is? Take off the silver sticker... now.... I digress.

Profile: (This section is for those DB's who choose to have internet accounts on facebook/myspace/any thing really).

-Background on myspace has a photo of a sportscar or half naked girl... or both. Way to be classy!

-TyPiNg LiKe ThIs... really? Are you having a seizure? And more over, exactly how long does it take you to complete a sentence?

-Using 2 rather than "to/two/too" or "ur", "u", etc. I think you get the picture. One thing that has always miffed me about these shortcuts is the fact they're not really that short. You has exactly two more letters than "u"... take the time boys, try to look intelligent.

-The mirror picture. This seems to be a staple on boy's myspace profiles all around the world. Get someone to take the picture of you, please.

-The big money photo. This is usually a boy with a "mean muggin" face expression holding up what he considers to be a significant amount of money. Cool...

-Peace sign/various other hand motion photo. The one I've been noticing more and more lately is the "shocker" hand motion photos. Is that really necessary? And is that how you want to come across to others? Like a complete idiot?

Possessions:

-A low riding car... usually a hatch back in some hideous color. With a huge sound system.

-A "crotch rocket"... or motorcycle. I'm not a fan. I'm sure someone is... but with the gas prices lately these seem to be coming out of the wood-work. I wish they wouldn't.

NOW, lets move onto things I find completely un-douche bag and VERY attractive.

-A good sense of humor, which is made apparent in your writing/profile/every day conversation.

-An outdoorsy type.

-A guy with an actual opinion of what they consider good music, literature, hobbies, etc.

________________________________________________________________________________

Onto a different note...

And, since we're on the subject of DB's.... There is this guy in my area who I would consider a douche bag.  But may have more mental problems than I had first assessed.  He works out at my gym (give him props, he has lost about 100 lbs.-- or so he claims).  He's ALWAYS wearing a popped-collar polo, even when working out at the gym.

He seems like the average DB... but then one day I was on myspace... going from profile to profile- being judgmental (I know I'm horrible) when I randomly found his. I immediately recognized him and had to look at his profile.  His profile name was something like "suck my cock" and his profile stated he was merely there to find a long term relationship with a girl that will ultimately be fat and uglier than him to make him feel better about himself. I'm not kidding you! His profile really said this. So I was originally thinking wow, this guy is a DB with a seriously wack sense of humor. But no-- I think he was serious. Mainly because he posts frequently on the MFW section of Olympia Craigslist stating the SAME thing. He also talks about how he has a lot more weight to lose before he can start dating girls because he's so fat and ugly. This guy is crazy!

His myspace profile has like 30 photos (all taken on the same day, mind you) of up close photos showing his "baby blues" and newly founded abs.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Overall, I have some simple things to keep in mind for those of you on the douche bag fence. Often times... you're really not as cool as you think you are, and over compensating in ridiculous attire and photos will not help your image.  It will only make you appear as un-genuine and therefore, douche bag-ish. So please, be real.

I went to pick my friend up at Apple one day here in Austin, and I was hanging outside of my car waiting for her, soaking in the sun and some Vitamin D, and noticed this car next to me. I couldn't even believe my eyes. I had to grab my camera to actually believe my eyes. I'm quite a neat/clean "freak" so I still have a hard time believing it's real. My friend Alisha couldn't believe it either. We laughed about that "guy" the rest of the day, and I still do when I am reminded with this silly picture. I captured the license plate as a warning to women and men out there to be on the look out for this person.

Tony Blin-Stoyle, PARSHIP's UK and Ireland Director, commented: "It's not surprising that the mature man is likely to be richer. However, he will also be wiser in the ways of what puts a smile on a woman's face. It's not just about diamonds and being a sugar daddy. It's very much about being self-assured and at ease in the glare of publicity. Knowing which restaurant fits what mood and being more patient in romantic situations."

The list for the top six Women's Romantic Rich List as per PARSHIP is:

1. Richard Branson (2,700 million Pounds) 35pct

2. Paul McCartney (500 million Pounds) 25pct

3. Roman Abramovich (11,700 million Pounds) 19pct

4. Alan Sugar (830 million Pounds) 13pct

5. Andrew Lloyd Webber (750 million Pounds) 5pct

6. Mohamed al-Fayed (555 million Pounds) 2pct (ANI)

Later that evening, we all 5 (me, my dad, my mom, sister, and "E") head out to find a place to watch the fireworks. The whole time before they begin, me,  "E", and my sister are joking around and taking pictures. Me and him even got 2 pictures together, though he messed up the first one by making a weird face. I won't post the pictures for safety's sake. As the fireworks are going off, he leans over and gives me a kiss. My sister says "I can't wait for the finale.". I replied with "That makes two of us" and "E" says "That makes all of us.". I said "Trying to get rid of us?". What he says next made me speechless because no guy has ever made the effort. He said "No, I enjoy spending time with you guys.". Well he either said "love" or "enjoy". I can't remember. But nonetheless, I wanted to cry. Someone that appreciates my family as much as I do has a really big heart. I am really looking forward to the next couple of months as we develop our relationship and he develops his relationship with my mom. What's scary though is that my sister said she can see "E" as her brother-in-law!

Hope everyone had a great July 4th!

So where does this dream come from?

I watched P.S. I Love You yesterday and she was the mom in that movie so that explains why Kathy Bates of all people.

I saw something about Cinderella on t.v. so maybe that't the explanation for the tiny room without food or drink.

As for the rest of it, I'm guessing my mind is working through its insecurities regarding dating someone I actually like.

I checked to see if Ms. Bates has a son and according to wikipedia she does not, but Adam Sandler considers her his mother apparently. I would date Adam Sandler, but that's another story.

The funny moment of the dream, where panic didn't consume me? When I attempted to outsmart Ms. Bates and disconnect the GPS device from my phone. As soon as it was disconnected she showed up with a new phone with a new GPS device out of nowhere. I would break a phone it would be magically put back together.

Most definitely one of the more weird dreams I've had but I'd much rather my brain try to work this crap out in private rather than indirectly effect anything that I may have going on in my personal life.

I did the rooftop thing in 2007.  It just didn't do it for me, although I could see more barges, the fireworks were just not that close and personal.  And as it turns out, Ms. Former Scardy Cat of fireworks ( you know, back in the day when I was shy), likes to be up close and personal with the fireworks.

Without Drama!  Like 2005, with the older man I was dating.  We returned to the spot that I loved, over in Queen, right in front on the middle barge- meaning you had 3 times the fun.  However, I arrived later, and with some friends.  And did not want to sit at location older man sat it- you would only be able to see 1.5 barges worth of fireworks.  And that is simply not acceptable!

I had two other people with me that night- one who was a secret crush for years and years never to be realized.  ( Really never, we are no longer friends).  And after the show was over, secret crush and I left older man, and other friend and went home.  At the Same Time everyone else in The City went home.  So, needless to say, it took a while.  We had taken the express, and got off at 96, and decided not to risk waiting for a local, and just walk the mile. 

Upon arrival to my doorstep (scret crush lived 2 buildings away), we chatted.  For like a minute- when older gentleman, arrived.  Older gentleman lived outside of the city and had parked right outside my door.  Older gentleman was none too happy he found his 'girlfriend' talking with secret crush.  Three days later we broke up.

Anyways, a good walk down memory lane.  But the first entry needs to be showy and flashy.  So, last night, the quest for the best fireworks in DC began.  And I may have succeeded.  IN THE FIRST ATTEMPT.

Actually, yesterday's plan was supposed to be picnic 1, picnic 2, fireworks on rooftop.  However at picnic 1, I got sidetracked, by meeting up with a girl who lives life like it's a true adventure.  I knew ditching my Plan A, and going with plan B was going to be worth it.  And it was.

We were on the mall right across the street from the WWII memorial- looking towards the Lincoln Memorial, as fireworks burst overhead.   It was upclose and personal with the fireworks, which clearly is the way I like 'em.  Before the show started, there I was sitting on the Mall, umbrella overhead, trying to stay dry.  Drinking some watermelon punch, and just having a good time with people I just meet. And simply just being part of the people. So, without further ado, some photosfor your viewing pleasure:

ETA: Yeah, and the wordpress still have some issues to figure out with the photos.  I do not want them that small.  They are sad.  They need to be large and in their glory.

When you know there's someone out there in the world who digs you, who thinks you're smart and funny and cute, who wants to be with you, you feel different. You walk taller, smile more, have a little spring in your step. At least I do. It's a kind of validation, whether you agree with the concept or not, that you're desirable, and it makes you feel good, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

But what happens when the bottom falls out, when - for no discernible reason - he doesn't call, and when you call him, he appears to blow you off? You know in your head that it can't be you, because you haven't done anything: you're the same girl you were the night you met him, and the day he arranged to have drinks, and the day he had to cancel and seemed disappointed about it.

I don't know about you, but when that happens to me, it's a constant struggle to keep my head up. I feel sad, of course, and disappointed. But I also feel embarrassed to talk about what happened, like I was foolish to ever believe that he would want to be with me and everyone else knew it and didn't say anything. I know that's ridiculous, and I thought long and hard about whether embarrassed was really what I felt, and decided that it is.

I could still be wrong about him, I suppose. I could be overanalyzing his last email - terse, not so friendly as the others, very matter-of-fact - telling me he couldn't meet for drinks Thursday because he was heading out of town for the weekend. But there was no, "Sorry I haven't been in touch [even though I'm the one who said 'I hope next week will work']," no, "Let's try again next week" like he's said before.

I assume, then, that I'm supposed to take the hint and understand that he's done with me, but if that's the case, I feel cheated. I feel like he owes me an explanation about what changed between last week and this week. I know I'm in the minority on this - more than one person has told me that, although it would be good manners for him to explain, he doesn't "owe" me anything - and I'm certainly not going to send him an email asking why, but this makes me mad. I trusted the things he said to me, which isn't easy for me, instead of listening to the little voice in the back of my head that said "Don't get caught up in this." And there you go.

You know what the sad thing is, though? This isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened to me, and I never seem to learn how not to jump in head first, how not to get my hopes up, how to keep my expectations low. And I probably will not learn anything from this, either, quite frankly. But like my friend says, "It's going to be wrong a lot, and it's only going to be right once. Luckily, it only has to be right once."